(The full transcript of this episode can be found by scrolling to the bottom of this page (but please note it’s AI-generated so accuracy will vary)
I’m feeling a little under the weather at the moment, and am resting as much as possible, so today’s show notes will be briefer than normal. I hope to be back on my feet over the next few days and will get to all the wonderful comments you’ve left on the last two posts as soon as I can. Thank you for understanding! 💚
Welcome to Episode 4 of The Tortoise, the podcast that digs deeps into the possibilities of slow.
If you’re new here (welcome! hello!) you can sign up to The Tortoise newsletter below to make sure you don’t miss an episode, and you’ll also receive a slow-living letter in your inbox every week-ish. (There is also an option to become a paid subscriber for AU$5/month which gives you access to quarterly online retreats and workshops as well as additional posts.)
The Topic: Mental load
It's a phrase we hear a lot about — the mental load — but what does it actually mean?
It’s difficult to find a consistent definition, but across all those I read in preparing for this episode, there are a few main threads. The mental load is cognitive, invisible and often undervalued. We can and do have mental loads for our paid work, unpaid work, in relationships, parenting, and at home. And when we carry the load across multiple parts of life, the burden gets very very heavy.
In this episode Ben and I talk about our differing definitions of mental load and how we try to navigate life while carrying it. We also explore:
Why mental load is a gendered issue
Whether our experience of mental load is also related to personality
How much of the burden is due to it being “easier” to do it ourselves
The difference between just doing the thing and thinking about the thing
Why self-care is part of the mental load
How society undervalues the work of women in a household
The impact that undervaluing has on the psyche
I have to be honest and say that I’m not sure I did this part of the conversation justice. It’s such a huge topic, so nuanced and emotional, and I walked away wondering whether I made sense. The examples I used felt kind of surface-level, and I think I’d have more to say on a different day.
The Reflection: Using your values to decide what parts of life can be “just fine”
I have always struggled with the middle ground, even though I believe that’s where the majority of life happens. And even when I write about letting go of striving, I struggle with still wanting to be better in various parts of life.
I recently wrote a post about embracing contentment as a way to find happiness and was blown away by the response in the comments, and one in particular that drew a line between our values and those things worth striving for. Stefanie suggested that we use our values as a guideline on what things are worth pursuing beyond “just fine”, and what things are not, and it was a real lightbulb moment for me. I’m always looking for practical ways of approaching those hard-to-define elements of slow living, and this has given me so much food for thought.
The Links
If you’re new here, hello! Thank you for joining us! Please feel free to subscribe to The Tortoise newsletter. That way you’ll never miss an episode and will receive a free slow-living letter in your inbox most weeks.
Below is a list of relevant links discussed in today’s episode. If I’ve forgotten any, please let me know in the comments:
We aren’t moaning, we’re just carrying the mental load in our relationships — Refinery29
Balancing the mental load in a relationship — Relationships Australia
Happiness is for losers — The Tortoise
What is the 1%? — The Tortoise
Values workshops — The Tortoise
The full transcript of this episode can be found by scrolling to the bottom of this page (but please note it’s AI-generated so accuracy will vary)
Subscribe to the podcast in your favourite app (Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher etc)
I hope you enjoy this month’s episode, and if you have any thoughts or suggestions, let me know in the comments.
Until next week, take good care.
Brooke xx
Mental Load: Episode 4