A motto for the mess
Tiny Tortoise #5: A different kind of balance
(This voiceover is an audio version of the newsletter below. It’s unedited, and today includes barking dogs, my elbow squeaking on the desk and many a word stumble. If you like/need to listen to these posts I hope you enjoy it regardless!)
Before I get into today’s post, just a quick note on my publishing schedule moving forward. As many of you know, I’m a huge fan of experimentation — playing around with things to see how I feel, what works, what doesn’t, where the energy is, where it’s not — and this wonderful space should be no different.
Starting this week, I’m shifting my publishing schedule slightly for the next few months, as I experiment with what works both for me and for you:
Thursdays*: a free letter for everyone. These will be a combination of regular letters (some long and thinky, others short and practical) and a monthly podcast episode.
Sundays*: a bonus letter for my paying subscribers. These include the monthly 1% recap, more personal pieces and a new thing I’m trying called The Dawdler which will include links to things to read/watch/listen to/think about over a coffee. (Sundays are also when online retreats run, so on those weekends, the usual post will be replaced by your retreat video).
I know not everyone is willing or able to become a paid subscriber, which I completely understand, and please believe me when I say there’s no need to feel bad/explain/apologise. I’m trying to strike a healthy balance across my own output (here and in my other work), your capacity, and offering something of value, which is why the podcast and the Thursday letters will always be free for everyone, and why I will make Sunday posts available to everyone at different times. Like I said, it’s all an experiment, and I’m beyond grateful that you’re here with me.
(*As always, I will still work to my kids’ school terms, so every ten-ish weeks I take a little break from posting. This means there will be no posts between Sept 25 – Oct 9, and again over the Christmas break. It’s one non-negotiable way I’m living slow these days.)
If any of this resonates and you haven’t yet signed up as a member of The Tortoise, please feel free to subscribe below. There’s both free and paid options and I’d love to welcome you to the loveliest little corner of the internet.
Anyway! Enough of the housekeeping. On with the meat and potatoes of today’s post, which is another Tiny Tortoise — where I share a small, slow change/experiment/tool you might like to try.
For this Tiny Tortoise, I want to introduce you to a motto I live, work, clean, move and rest by:
Do it when you can (so that when you can’t, it’s okay).
As far as mottos go, it’s kind of anti-climactic, I know, but it is genuinely one of the most practically helpful lenses I use to look at my life, its various parts and all the tasks that go along with them.
It provides both motivation to do, and permission to not do. And while that might sound contradictory, to me it qualifies as both self-care and slow living, which are the twin themes I’m exploring this term.
What does it mean?
I like thinking of all the separate parts of life as their own little bank account, where showing up, working on them, doing our job, giving of ourselves, are all deposits. Whether that’s housework or journaling or volunteering or paid work or exercise — every time you make an effort, you’re adding to the balance of that account.
Much like an actual bank account, there’s going to be (many) times you need to withdraw from these accounts. A busy week at work means you can’t volunteer, a sick pet means you can’t get out for your walk, a migraine means you rest instead of doing the laundry.
When the account balance is healthy, it’s okay. That’s what it’s there for. It’s only when the withdrawals outweigh the deposits that things start to tip out of balance.
Why use it?
This motto is a gentle way of reminding ourselves to make deposits when we can, so that when we have to withdraw, things aren’t going to crumble around us. The outcome won’t be tragic. The bathroom will get cleaned next week and you can take your nightly walk tomorrow. Most things in life are simply not as urgent as we think they are. Nice to have? Sure. But truly urgent? Rarely.
Plus the bank account analogy feels positive to me. Rather than saying, “Oh, I can’t do it today, I suck,” it helps me view everything — my roles, my relationships, my own self-care — through a much longer lens.
I no longer ask myself if I’m kicking goals today or this week, because invariably, looking at things too close-up highlights the negative. But the long term, 10,000 foot view afforded by the deposit/withdrawal analogy helps me see that my efforts do add up.
How to apply it?
Less like a tool and more like a lens, you can apply the motto to pretty much any task or role.
As an example, let’s look at the utterly scintillating world of bathroom cleaning.
Cleaning the shower, toilet and bath are all deposits into this particular account. Sometimes I’ll do a really good job (bigger deposit) and other times I do a quick once-over (smaller deposit). The point being, if I can do it, I will. Because there are the inevitable weeks where I can’t and a 30-second wipe-over of everything and throwing the towels in the washing machine will have to do (withdrawal). By the time the next week rolls around, I usually can do it again, so I do…and so on.
I know it’s not very interesting, but I’ve found this mindset genuinely helpful. It’s definitely helped that part of slow living for me has been a decade-long effort to reduce expectations and drop my standards somewhat and while Past Me would have feared a slippery slope into living in squalor, the reality is simply that I’m a little less stressed about shit that ultimately doesn’t matter all that much.
Sometimes it’s not as obvious as a clean or dirty bathroom and might require a quick check-in with how I’m feeling about certain aspects of life instead. That’s where recognising The Pang™ can be super helpful, because it acts as an early warning sign that an account balance might be getting low.
For me right now, the things that have a relatively healthy balance are:
Rest
Self-care
Family
Home (even if what that looks like is different to what it used to look like)
Work (ditto)
On the flip-side, it’s okay to be in deficit. There’s times in life where we will be. For me, I’m currently in arrears when it comes to gardening, keeping up with friends, exercise beyond walking, spending time in nature. It’s okay. Life is full of ever-shifting seasons, and small deposits into those areas over time will add up.
It’s just slow. Which is kind of the point.
Do you have a motto that helps you navigate the moving parts of life? I’d love to hear it.
I hope your week has been a good one and you have something lovely planned for the weekend. I’ll be back on Sunday with the first-ever Dawdler, but until then, take good care.
Brooke xx
I love this motto!
My motto of recent years that has helped me is “There’s always enough time”. I usually hear this in my head in the voice of my farmer brother with the addition of the F word. I find it helps me relax because there usually is (just) enough time to get things done. And when I’m realising there isn’t, somehow this motto helps me realise that it didn’t all need to be done by the deadline set, or to the standard initially expected. At those times I lower expectations or move some items to a later deadline, and then there is “always enough f-ing time.” Silly, but it helps me.
"This too shall pass" when things are hard. Equally, the good times pass as well so it's best to savour them - essentially, bank them :)