This voiceover is an audio version of the newsletter below. As always, it’s unedited so probably features some stutters and re-starts. If you like/need to listen to these posts I hope you enjoy it.
Hello mates, happiest of weekends to you.
I’m trying something different today for all of my delightful paid supporters — a thread! — where I ask a question, and we collectively benefit from the wisdom, experience and badassery of your answers.
Earlier this week I was interviewed over Zoom for an article on slow productivity, the first one I’ve done in at least two years. (I’ve avoided all media for lots of reasons, not least of which is because something as small as an interview often led to a huge fatigue crash that last days/weeks.)
As I was setting up, I got an alert on my iPhone telling me I could use it as my webcam instead of the in-built FaceTime camera on my laptop, and, intrigued, I set it up. At first, I thought it was kind of cool that I could use the higher-quality camera on my phone instead of the dinky one I usually use, but as I was playing around with the settings, I realised that the iPhone was automatically adding some kind of weird anti-aging/smoothing filter.
A quick Google told me there’s something called a ‘beauty filter’ that was probably being applied automatically and I stopped reading beyond that because, well, I think a part of me died.
I spent a few minutes flicking between Filtered-Me and Unfiltered-Me, equal parts offended and confused. What am I meant to prefer?
The “beauty filter” was supposed to highlight and enhance my natural beauty, I assume, and if it’s being applied automatically, that then means that looking younger/smoother would and should be my preference, right? But when I looked at the image of myself — all traces of texture and age wiped off my somewhat orange digital face — I felt like I was looking at a stranger.
So I did what any mature, emotionally-evolved woman would do. I stuck my finger up at Filtered-Me and turned off my phone, using the dinky in-built camera instead. Turns out I much prefer my actual face, smile lines and under-eye circles included.
And while it might not sound like much, I felt a genuine swell of pride when I realised this. As though, for just a moment, I was able to push back against all the messaging telling me that I should feel a little bit ashamed and embarrassed by my aging face, that I should want something better, fresher, younger.
In short: screw that.
And that got me wondering… When did you last feel like a bad-ass? What were you doing last time you got that little rush of rebellion? What makes you feel like a giddy, mischievous weirdo?
I have a sneaking suspicion that your answers are going to fuel a lot more instances of tiny, slow rebellion this week.
Here’s to pushing back!
Much love, Brooke 💚💚
(Okay, this kind of turned out like a letter anyway. Sorry!)
Oh you are awesome Brooke! Fuck the filter, let’s normalise our actual faces! (sorry for the language, the opportunity for alliteration got the better of me). On that point is swearing rebellious? I really do enjoy it, it feels cathartic.
I adopted a uniform about 5+ yrs ago. I wear the same cropped workwear suit (I have 3) almost EVERY day. It frees my mind of decision fatigue in the morning, enables me to mostly avoid shopping, and gives off a general air of ‘this clothing is practical and comfortable and I don’t give a shit that I have been wearing the same thing all week.’ Rebellion! 💚
I swear like a trooper — it's very cathartic!! And depending on your company, possibly rebellious too 😆
I love the idea of a uniform. My daily clothes are close to that anyway — jeans, shirt/tshirt, colourful jumper over the top — but I really like the idea of taking it one step further. As it is there's fewer decisions to make which is always nice! 💚💚
I love this idea. I just spent 10 hours in the car listening to the Steve Jobs biography. Uniforms make a lot of sense. My mother in law just asked me if I was going to die my hair. 😜Is that a hint? I have short grey hair and no make up. I just don’t bother with it. I would much rather spend my precious time doing the thinks I love. ❤️
😆😆 people ask me if I'm going to dye my hair as the silvers keep poking their way up, but my answer is always, "Why start now?" I haven't dyed it in about eight years and it's saved me so much time and money. Plus, my mum's family all have the best silver/white hair and I'm hoping I inherit it. If I keep covering it up I'll never know!
I don't bother with my hair and makeup now either and my wardrobe outside of work (where I do have a set uniform) is mostly very basic things from op shops. I laugh when people say my hair or outfit look nice because I'm like "thanks! I did bugger all to achieve this!"
When I wear it, my make-up is down to the bare minimum now, which makes me happy too. If I do put some on it's because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. Feels like a big difference! 💚
I feel like my hobbies are acts of rebellion, as they are not normal hobbies for a 35 year old woman. I love trains (toys and real), crochet and folk music. I have the hobbies of a 2 year old boy and a grandma at the same time and I love it. I also love having the excuse to do kid things now I have a son. We play at the park (I love the swings), play with Lego and trains and watch cartoons 😊
😆😆 That's the best! You've found your sweet spot with 2-year-old-granny hobbies. I can relate with granny hobbies too. It feels like a cheat code to wonder and delight and awe and early nights and cosiness. I love it! 💚
I turn 60 this year and I feel so grateful in being alive and healthy . I no longer am in the headspace of living to please others and thinking what others are thinking of me. I have embraced rebellion, let my hair be natural, use minimal makeup and buy clothing that is ethical, affordable and beautiful. In this sense of freedom I can simply be me and focus on my intrinsic value and share that with the people around me. Is it rebellion or maturity or a wisdom in acceptance and letting go 🙂
This makes me so happy Cathy. There is a true joy that comes from fully inhabiting yourself isn't there? I'm not sure if it's age or hormones or hard-fought wisdom, but so many women I know are stepping into that power. It's so inspiring and the best kind of rebellion I think, because suddenly we're less susceptible to all the marketing that tells us how we're broken, how they can fix us, how they can give us more happiness. The ripples from that are powerful, and I'd like to think we could change the world in many tiny ways if we all encouraged each other like this. Thank you for sharing!! 💚💚
I love this, Cathy. I'm 67 and haven't dyed my hair for about 3 years now AND I've grown it long enough to tie up in a messy bun or a (mostly) neat chignon or just let it loose and it feels great. At the moment it's a weird mixture of grey and silver and blonde - which I haven't been since I was a toddler and I'm lovin' it!
I still wear makeup but quite minimal and I'm slowly starting to wear what I damn well please. Op-shopping rules!
I've also been saying "no" a lot more over the last few years as I have learned to cope with a new reality and embrace the rest of my "one wild and precious life". That includes making time to explore my creative side that was squashed for so long.
I think it can be all three. I think maturity helps us see the wisdom and importance of aligning with our true desires. For me I have led with the desires of others to keep the peace and make things simple. Now, I would rather ruffle some feathers to make my own choices…just for me. It is so empowering. Thanks for your insight. At 52, I look forward to gaining more insight and wisdom. What a gift. 🎁
We just had an offer accepted on a nearly 100 year old house in Launceston that wasn't even on our planned inspection list after our whirlwind 34hr trip so that feels pretty rebellious (and scary/stressful, but good scary/stressful, I think?)
Argh! This is so cool Candice! I'm quite invested in your adventure (hope that's not weird to say 😆) and this is a very exciting and definitely rebellious update. Welcome to the 'Old House Owners' club. 💚💚💚
I can't remember the last time I completed an act of rebellion.... but I can share that for quite a while my phone camera took photos of me with a filter, and it wasn't until I upgraded to a new phone that I saw the real me. Colour me flabbergasted!! I felt gaslit by my old phone!
Yes! It's messing with our perception of self I think, so that when we do see our 'real' faces, we think there's something wrong with them. Gaslit is the perfect word 💚😆
I'm sitting here with my short, grey hair saying HUZZAH! I started going grey in my 20s. I colored it for a few years in my 30s and then thought WHY?!?!? Life's too short to waste time and money on that shit. It's interesting to see how other American women react to this. White ladies often give me the side eye; I think it's because I'm breaking "the rules." But black women will go out of their way to tell me that my hair is pretty. This tells me that 1) white women need to relax, and 2) I need more black friends. 😊
I resonate with everyone's comments! I am often told that I am "authentic" or "down to earth", which I take as a compliment, but sometimes I think this may be a dig for "letting myself go" or being a bit of an outsider weirdo. I do skin care, exercise, eat well, drink moderately and sleep/rest etc, but do not dye my hair, wear makeup, buy fast fashion or get my nails done...because I don't want to, and marketing can't make me : ) Rebellion!!
It's so refreshing to read all these comments. I stopped dying my hair at 34 (now 38) and I have well and truly started to turn sparkly! Sometimes it's a challenge, I am the only one of my friends who doesn't cover their greys. Thankfully I am able to remind myself why I choose not to dye my hair, the same reason I don't get botox, wear fake nails, tan, get fake eyelashes like some of my friends. It is lovely to have a group of diverse women as friends, but truly liberating to know that what I'm doing is for me and my health not because I have been coerced in to believing looking a certain way is beauty. I'm also about to embark on a homebirth....that has sure earnt me a few sidewards glances! 😝
I can’t tell you how much I loved reading through these comments! Such a fantastic idea for a thread, Brooke. It makes me feel so much less alone to read, as I have many people in my life getting fillers and other cosmetic changes to hide aging and perceived imperfections. It has made me question if I should be feeling worse and be doing more to look younger than I am. But honestly, I can’t be bothered. It’s expensive, and time consuming, not to mention potentially dangerous at times. So let’s rebel together 🙌
What an awesome post (yet again!) Brooke! I love the comments too. I too 'rebel' the so called normal by not dying my hair, I have sparkly wisdom streaks ✨️ I dress as I want...comfortable is priority!
I can't get over the filters that are online and literally charge the way someone looks! When will society see our inner beauty rather than praising and encouraging this fake outer beauty?
It's such a joy to come to this space and be seen and heard for what I am. Thankyou Brooke for your wonderful work.✨️💕✨️
Oh you are awesome Brooke! Fuck the filter, let’s normalise our actual faces! (sorry for the language, the opportunity for alliteration got the better of me). On that point is swearing rebellious? I really do enjoy it, it feels cathartic.
I adopted a uniform about 5+ yrs ago. I wear the same cropped workwear suit (I have 3) almost EVERY day. It frees my mind of decision fatigue in the morning, enables me to mostly avoid shopping, and gives off a general air of ‘this clothing is practical and comfortable and I don’t give a shit that I have been wearing the same thing all week.’ Rebellion! 💚
I swear like a trooper — it's very cathartic!! And depending on your company, possibly rebellious too 😆
I love the idea of a uniform. My daily clothes are close to that anyway — jeans, shirt/tshirt, colourful jumper over the top — but I really like the idea of taking it one step further. As it is there's fewer decisions to make which is always nice! 💚💚
I love this idea. I just spent 10 hours in the car listening to the Steve Jobs biography. Uniforms make a lot of sense. My mother in law just asked me if I was going to die my hair. 😜Is that a hint? I have short grey hair and no make up. I just don’t bother with it. I would much rather spend my precious time doing the thinks I love. ❤️
😆😆 people ask me if I'm going to dye my hair as the silvers keep poking their way up, but my answer is always, "Why start now?" I haven't dyed it in about eight years and it's saved me so much time and money. Plus, my mum's family all have the best silver/white hair and I'm hoping I inherit it. If I keep covering it up I'll never know!
I don't bother with my hair and makeup now either and my wardrobe outside of work (where I do have a set uniform) is mostly very basic things from op shops. I laugh when people say my hair or outfit look nice because I'm like "thanks! I did bugger all to achieve this!"
When I wear it, my make-up is down to the bare minimum now, which makes me happy too. If I do put some on it's because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. Feels like a big difference! 💚
I feel like my hobbies are acts of rebellion, as they are not normal hobbies for a 35 year old woman. I love trains (toys and real), crochet and folk music. I have the hobbies of a 2 year old boy and a grandma at the same time and I love it. I also love having the excuse to do kid things now I have a son. We play at the park (I love the swings), play with Lego and trains and watch cartoons 😊
😆😆 That's the best! You've found your sweet spot with 2-year-old-granny hobbies. I can relate with granny hobbies too. It feels like a cheat code to wonder and delight and awe and early nights and cosiness. I love it! 💚
I turn 60 this year and I feel so grateful in being alive and healthy . I no longer am in the headspace of living to please others and thinking what others are thinking of me. I have embraced rebellion, let my hair be natural, use minimal makeup and buy clothing that is ethical, affordable and beautiful. In this sense of freedom I can simply be me and focus on my intrinsic value and share that with the people around me. Is it rebellion or maturity or a wisdom in acceptance and letting go 🙂
This makes me so happy Cathy. There is a true joy that comes from fully inhabiting yourself isn't there? I'm not sure if it's age or hormones or hard-fought wisdom, but so many women I know are stepping into that power. It's so inspiring and the best kind of rebellion I think, because suddenly we're less susceptible to all the marketing that tells us how we're broken, how they can fix us, how they can give us more happiness. The ripples from that are powerful, and I'd like to think we could change the world in many tiny ways if we all encouraged each other like this. Thank you for sharing!! 💚💚
I love this, Cathy. I'm 67 and haven't dyed my hair for about 3 years now AND I've grown it long enough to tie up in a messy bun or a (mostly) neat chignon or just let it loose and it feels great. At the moment it's a weird mixture of grey and silver and blonde - which I haven't been since I was a toddler and I'm lovin' it!
I still wear makeup but quite minimal and I'm slowly starting to wear what I damn well please. Op-shopping rules!
I've also been saying "no" a lot more over the last few years as I have learned to cope with a new reality and embrace the rest of my "one wild and precious life". That includes making time to explore my creative side that was squashed for so long.
I'm rebelliously being the person I want to be.
Thank you for sharing. No matter the age, it is about time people, especially women, should do what thy want. If this is rebellion then bring it on. 😊
That’s so good. I do love Mary Oliver 🙂too!
Love this, Winsome!
I never thought of myself as rebellious until recently.
I think it can be all three. I think maturity helps us see the wisdom and importance of aligning with our true desires. For me I have led with the desires of others to keep the peace and make things simple. Now, I would rather ruffle some feathers to make my own choices…just for me. It is so empowering. Thanks for your insight. At 52, I look forward to gaining more insight and wisdom. What a gift. 🎁
We just had an offer accepted on a nearly 100 year old house in Launceston that wasn't even on our planned inspection list after our whirlwind 34hr trip so that feels pretty rebellious (and scary/stressful, but good scary/stressful, I think?)
Argh! This is so cool Candice! I'm quite invested in your adventure (hope that's not weird to say 😆) and this is a very exciting and definitely rebellious update. Welcome to the 'Old House Owners' club. 💚💚💚
Haha no, not at all! I'll be sure to keep you updated 😄
I can't remember the last time I completed an act of rebellion.... but I can share that for quite a while my phone camera took photos of me with a filter, and it wasn't until I upgraded to a new phone that I saw the real me. Colour me flabbergasted!! I felt gaslit by my old phone!
Yes! It's messing with our perception of self I think, so that when we do see our 'real' faces, we think there's something wrong with them. Gaslit is the perfect word 💚😆
OMG!!!! There’s a filter?????? I just thought my bathroom mirror was broken 😂
😆😆 Your bathroom mirror is perfect - just like your lovely face!!
My little rebellion against societal expectations as a woman is having very short hair 💇
Congratulations 🎉
I'm sitting here with my short, grey hair saying HUZZAH! I started going grey in my 20s. I colored it for a few years in my 30s and then thought WHY?!?!? Life's too short to waste time and money on that shit. It's interesting to see how other American women react to this. White ladies often give me the side eye; I think it's because I'm breaking "the rules." But black women will go out of their way to tell me that my hair is pretty. This tells me that 1) white women need to relax, and 2) I need more black friends. 😊
I resonate with everyone's comments! I am often told that I am "authentic" or "down to earth", which I take as a compliment, but sometimes I think this may be a dig for "letting myself go" or being a bit of an outsider weirdo. I do skin care, exercise, eat well, drink moderately and sleep/rest etc, but do not dye my hair, wear makeup, buy fast fashion or get my nails done...because I don't want to, and marketing can't make me : ) Rebellion!!
It's so refreshing to read all these comments. I stopped dying my hair at 34 (now 38) and I have well and truly started to turn sparkly! Sometimes it's a challenge, I am the only one of my friends who doesn't cover their greys. Thankfully I am able to remind myself why I choose not to dye my hair, the same reason I don't get botox, wear fake nails, tan, get fake eyelashes like some of my friends. It is lovely to have a group of diverse women as friends, but truly liberating to know that what I'm doing is for me and my health not because I have been coerced in to believing looking a certain way is beauty. I'm also about to embark on a homebirth....that has sure earnt me a few sidewards glances! 😝
I can’t tell you how much I loved reading through these comments! Such a fantastic idea for a thread, Brooke. It makes me feel so much less alone to read, as I have many people in my life getting fillers and other cosmetic changes to hide aging and perceived imperfections. It has made me question if I should be feeling worse and be doing more to look younger than I am. But honestly, I can’t be bothered. It’s expensive, and time consuming, not to mention potentially dangerous at times. So let’s rebel together 🙌
I don’t want automatic filters! Why can’t I look like me???? Sigh. Grateful to be Middle Ages and not care about this
What an awesome post (yet again!) Brooke! I love the comments too. I too 'rebel' the so called normal by not dying my hair, I have sparkly wisdom streaks ✨️ I dress as I want...comfortable is priority!
I can't get over the filters that are online and literally charge the way someone looks! When will society see our inner beauty rather than praising and encouraging this fake outer beauty?
It's such a joy to come to this space and be seen and heard for what I am. Thankyou Brooke for your wonderful work.✨️💕✨️