I experienced this with so many different ideas that I see now I used to create a defined box for myself that gave me the illusion of control. Really, I was wearing these ideas as masks and my feelings of peace and being content with life only truly started to shift as I learned to be guided by myself not external ideas/ideologies/ways of 'doing life (still very much a work in progress!). Certainly I believe inspiration is important, but an internal anchor was what I was missing to keep me from floating around and never quite feeling like I'd 'made it'. Just some thoughts that came to mind as I read this wonderful piece, thank you for sharing which i imagine took courage. ❤️
Exactly, I’ve been thinking about this for a while. All the invitations to “be better” on any level. The total commodification of well-being ( in all its forms) capitalism again. We are asked to believe we are not enough and buy in to improvement culture. There’s always the next thing, book, podcast or course. We’re all spinning our hamster wheels so fast, with good intention but what if we stopped? What if we are and this is as good as it gets? I keep circling back to acceptance. You nailed it Brooke, as always graceful, generous and articulate.
The commodification of well-being, that is brilliant and so true. I sometimes feel I must have a fancy new yoga mat and the latest athletic wear to be a genuine yogi. Such rot! Great words Jo Jo
This resonates so much with me! I need to let go of the guilt. Thank you for sharing. I'm also really looking forward to your upcoming information on slow living and chronic illness. I also have a chronic illness and find that slowing down has really helped me, but I do often feel like it's another whole job with all the scheduling, coordinating, treatments, appointments and advocating to do...sigh.
Guilt. One way to look at guilt is that it is about belonging, not ultimately about right and wrong. When I did not behave as expected in my family, I learned to feel guilty. One aspect of becoming an adult was learning how to feel the guilt and follow my heart, despite the guilt.
Great read! I feel very similar. The Slow Podcast and the slow living suggested ideals helped me through a "season" of life when raising small children, and also allowed me to tilt into different acceptance of slow and faster paced living.... But now I'm in a different phase of life (all 3 kids are at full time school) I use slow living as values and principles to refer to, rather than needed it be my motto in life.
amen! I've almost burned myself out trying to do and be all the things slow and sustainable, feeling that I alone am responsible for all the worlds problems, how dare I have an opinion or view on anything slow and sustainable lest I be judged a hypocrite.
I think I forgot as i listened to and followed so many in this field that each person was probably only achieving in their one particular area, whereas I felt I had to be 'perfect' at them all.
I'm a work in progress, which brings me right back to near enough is good enough, I just want to be content.
Thank you for this! I struggle immensely with the paralyzing vastness concept as it relates to sustainability practices. I graduated with my undergrad degree in sustainability. I was constantly surrounded by people with ideas on how to be a better earth supporter. As I went on to live on my own, almost overnight I switched to all natural detergents, soaps, tried to eliminate my plastic use, etc. I graduated sustainability after all so I must be the perfect example of it. Somehow using less turned into buying more “sustainability” tools and items…and I got burned out quick. Your idea of redefining what slow means to you is empowering. I think I am in a similar state of trying to rediscover what sustainability looks like in my home.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Brooke. I came to slow through you, and to be honest the version your books have presented over the years have been the most accessible and least crushing hence why I’m still here following you and ditched many others along the way!
I’ve found the anchor of values you introduced me to so helpful in sorting through what actually works for me and my (very not white linen dressed family 😂)
That's so kind Megan, and I'm so happy to have you here!! I think I've really returned to values this year as a stabilising force for myself and my (also definitely not white linen dressed) family 😆
Brilliant. Thank you Brooke - for your honesty. As I practice and learn about Ayurveda, I too am learning to go steadily and not do all of the things. That can't be healthy. No blame or fault necessary either - we are a product of our environment and our intentions to do good things. Knowing myself, and listening, is about the good-est thing I can do at the moment.
That idea of letting something be a part of your life versus your identify hits hard. We're wired to try to be part of a community and the world keeps telling us we need to have an identity. But, it can be really difficult when you latch onto an identity only to have it become a toxic thing. That happened to me with art. It was my thing as a kid. I was the artistic one. But, I didn't become an artist and lost my connection to at through life and circumstance. Several decades later, and I'm still healing that relationship.
One thing that I've found helpful is to think of these things as "intentions" rather than goals or identities. It's my intention to aim for slow, but it's not always the right direction and it's not necessarily what defines me. Using annual intentions instead of resolutions had really helped me work on this and understand how to let intentions guide me.
Hi Anne, your distinction of “intentions” resonates with me. I have shifted on my journey of “minimalism” to “intentional”. All the “-ism”s kinda make me bristle, and intentional feels more forgiving. 🌴
One could say that all paths lead to the mountain, but I find that not all paths deliver what is promised. I always return to the basics. Who am I? If I exclude love, it is not the truth. When I fall back into longing or fear, it is because I have forgotten joy.
Yes Brooke! I resonate with this so much. What I’m trying to learn/unlearn is that slow will also look different depending on the season of your life.
I can’t do the same things I did pre-kids/1 kid (op shopping, cloth nappies, DIY presents, preserving, cooking crackers from scratch, thriving veggie patch etc), because I now have 3 kids and a part time job. Slow looks different - no extracurricular activities for kids, books/puzzles and craft over TV, caring for one small veggie patch, and you know what, the kids get their clothes from Kmart because it’s what I can afford and have time for).
When the season changes again I’ll be able to bring back some other elements of Slow that I wish I could do, but for now I do what’s best for my mental health, abilities and pocket.
You’ve always validated how I feel. Thank you! Loved the pog on the mental load too BTW 🤍
This reminds me of the conversation I was so lucky to have with you on the Slow Home Pod- it was the season you had a listener with a problem (that’s me🙋♀️), then an expert give advice. I was struggling to go low waste in a rural community. Spoiler alert…I still am! BUT - a lovely bulk home goods store recently opened in my town and it’s a game changer. I love supporting the new small business, and it makes me feel good to cut down on the plastic in my trash or recycle bin. And this change had nothing to do with me. It just became easier (more convenient) to reduce my waste because my situation changed and an opportunity now exists where it didn’t before. We only have so much time and energy to give and so as you say, we have to spend it on what we Value the most. Otherwise we burnout. Appreciate your words (always) and the honesty with what real life is actually like. We can’t be what we see on Instagram because it’s not real. Love you so much Brooke and so glad to have you back in my inputs. 💚💚
Amy, I think about you ALL the time. I loved our conversation all those years ago, and I think that season of the pod was one of my favourites because of all the good, real chats I had with listeners all over the world. I don't know if you knew this, but those conversations were as helpful for me as anyone else because it helped me expand my ideas of slowness and get out of the bubble of blogs/podcasts/books that I had existed in for years, where some fairly unsustainable ideas had become normalised. I have so much love for YOU! xx
Brooke you write with your heart wide open and oh how it inspires me, delights me, opens me to those that I love
Slow for me is a feeling, that was ignored at my peril many years ago, now I understand that feeling, I am grateful for that feeling as it supports me moving CAREfully and supports me in creating a life that is uniquely authentically mine
Jun 22, 2023·edited Jun 22, 2023Liked by Brooke McAlary
oh yes, dear Brooke! I too have found it utterly exhausting at times, trying to deal with not being able to 'unsee' what I have seen, 'unread' what I have read, ''unhear what I have heard ~ in short, 'unknow'! Sometimes I look at my past self and think how blissful ignorance was. Even after writing my slightly flippant comment on your resources Note, about needing an extension to my week to get through all the links, I was thinking I'm never going to follow all those suggestions/ideas/inspirations/etc because a] it'll be far too much screen time (Rhythms Retreat!) and b] I'll end up turned inside out!
I am, however, looking forward to dipping in here, delving in there because there will be gems to discover, just as there will be things that will be gems for others but not for me. And therein lies the importance of, as you said, frequently referring back to one's values AND I think, not being afraid to move on when something isn't working or doesn't feel right. We do not have to be perfect in order to be valid.
I experienced this with so many different ideas that I see now I used to create a defined box for myself that gave me the illusion of control. Really, I was wearing these ideas as masks and my feelings of peace and being content with life only truly started to shift as I learned to be guided by myself not external ideas/ideologies/ways of 'doing life (still very much a work in progress!). Certainly I believe inspiration is important, but an internal anchor was what I was missing to keep me from floating around and never quite feeling like I'd 'made it'. Just some thoughts that came to mind as I read this wonderful piece, thank you for sharing which i imagine took courage. ❤️
Courage. Control. Ideas as masks. Doing life. 'made it'.
Courage may be the opposite of fear, but joy is the solution to fear.
I am in control of two things. I can always make it worse. And I can stop making it worse.
I longed to be seen until I learned to see myself.
Being life.
There is no finish line, always here facing being and becoming.
Oh, yes, I hadn't thought of this. Good point!
Exactly, I’ve been thinking about this for a while. All the invitations to “be better” on any level. The total commodification of well-being ( in all its forms) capitalism again. We are asked to believe we are not enough and buy in to improvement culture. There’s always the next thing, book, podcast or course. We’re all spinning our hamster wheels so fast, with good intention but what if we stopped? What if we are and this is as good as it gets? I keep circling back to acceptance. You nailed it Brooke, as always graceful, generous and articulate.
The commodification of well-being, that is brilliant and so true. I sometimes feel I must have a fancy new yoga mat and the latest athletic wear to be a genuine yogi. Such rot! Great words Jo Jo
This!! Thank you🌴
This resonates so much with me! I need to let go of the guilt. Thank you for sharing. I'm also really looking forward to your upcoming information on slow living and chronic illness. I also have a chronic illness and find that slowing down has really helped me, but I do often feel like it's another whole job with all the scheduling, coordinating, treatments, appointments and advocating to do...sigh.
Guilt. One way to look at guilt is that it is about belonging, not ultimately about right and wrong. When I did not behave as expected in my family, I learned to feel guilty. One aspect of becoming an adult was learning how to feel the guilt and follow my heart, despite the guilt.
Great read! I feel very similar. The Slow Podcast and the slow living suggested ideals helped me through a "season" of life when raising small children, and also allowed me to tilt into different acceptance of slow and faster paced living.... But now I'm in a different phase of life (all 3 kids are at full time school) I use slow living as values and principles to refer to, rather than needed it be my motto in life.
Thank you Brooke. I suspect it took courage to write this post and launch it into the world. Thank you.
amen! I've almost burned myself out trying to do and be all the things slow and sustainable, feeling that I alone am responsible for all the worlds problems, how dare I have an opinion or view on anything slow and sustainable lest I be judged a hypocrite.
I think I forgot as i listened to and followed so many in this field that each person was probably only achieving in their one particular area, whereas I felt I had to be 'perfect' at them all.
I'm a work in progress, which brings me right back to near enough is good enough, I just want to be content.
Thank you for this! I struggle immensely with the paralyzing vastness concept as it relates to sustainability practices. I graduated with my undergrad degree in sustainability. I was constantly surrounded by people with ideas on how to be a better earth supporter. As I went on to live on my own, almost overnight I switched to all natural detergents, soaps, tried to eliminate my plastic use, etc. I graduated sustainability after all so I must be the perfect example of it. Somehow using less turned into buying more “sustainability” tools and items…and I got burned out quick. Your idea of redefining what slow means to you is empowering. I think I am in a similar state of trying to rediscover what sustainability looks like in my home.
I did something similar while trying to be more sustainable. Ironically, I waste less now that I've accepted that some things aren't worth DIY-ing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Brooke. I came to slow through you, and to be honest the version your books have presented over the years have been the most accessible and least crushing hence why I’m still here following you and ditched many others along the way!
I’ve found the anchor of values you introduced me to so helpful in sorting through what actually works for me and my (very not white linen dressed family 😂)
So thanks 💚
That's so kind Megan, and I'm so happy to have you here!! I think I've really returned to values this year as a stabilising force for myself and my (also definitely not white linen dressed) family 😆
Brilliant. Thank you Brooke - for your honesty. As I practice and learn about Ayurveda, I too am learning to go steadily and not do all of the things. That can't be healthy. No blame or fault necessary either - we are a product of our environment and our intentions to do good things. Knowing myself, and listening, is about the good-est thing I can do at the moment.
That idea of letting something be a part of your life versus your identify hits hard. We're wired to try to be part of a community and the world keeps telling us we need to have an identity. But, it can be really difficult when you latch onto an identity only to have it become a toxic thing. That happened to me with art. It was my thing as a kid. I was the artistic one. But, I didn't become an artist and lost my connection to at through life and circumstance. Several decades later, and I'm still healing that relationship.
One thing that I've found helpful is to think of these things as "intentions" rather than goals or identities. It's my intention to aim for slow, but it's not always the right direction and it's not necessarily what defines me. Using annual intentions instead of resolutions had really helped me work on this and understand how to let intentions guide me.
I really like the distinction you made between goals and intentions Anne - so powerful a shift to make. 💚
Hi Anne, your distinction of “intentions” resonates with me. I have shifted on my journey of “minimalism” to “intentional”. All the “-ism”s kinda make me bristle, and intentional feels more forgiving. 🌴
One could say that all paths lead to the mountain, but I find that not all paths deliver what is promised. I always return to the basics. Who am I? If I exclude love, it is not the truth. When I fall back into longing or fear, it is because I have forgotten joy.
'Who am I?' - yes 🙏
You are the magic. ❤️
Right back at you sister xxxxx
Yes Brooke! I resonate with this so much. What I’m trying to learn/unlearn is that slow will also look different depending on the season of your life.
I can’t do the same things I did pre-kids/1 kid (op shopping, cloth nappies, DIY presents, preserving, cooking crackers from scratch, thriving veggie patch etc), because I now have 3 kids and a part time job. Slow looks different - no extracurricular activities for kids, books/puzzles and craft over TV, caring for one small veggie patch, and you know what, the kids get their clothes from Kmart because it’s what I can afford and have time for).
When the season changes again I’ll be able to bring back some other elements of Slow that I wish I could do, but for now I do what’s best for my mental health, abilities and pocket.
You’ve always validated how I feel. Thank you! Loved the pog on the mental load too BTW 🤍
This reminds me of the conversation I was so lucky to have with you on the Slow Home Pod- it was the season you had a listener with a problem (that’s me🙋♀️), then an expert give advice. I was struggling to go low waste in a rural community. Spoiler alert…I still am! BUT - a lovely bulk home goods store recently opened in my town and it’s a game changer. I love supporting the new small business, and it makes me feel good to cut down on the plastic in my trash or recycle bin. And this change had nothing to do with me. It just became easier (more convenient) to reduce my waste because my situation changed and an opportunity now exists where it didn’t before. We only have so much time and energy to give and so as you say, we have to spend it on what we Value the most. Otherwise we burnout. Appreciate your words (always) and the honesty with what real life is actually like. We can’t be what we see on Instagram because it’s not real. Love you so much Brooke and so glad to have you back in my inputs. 💚💚
Amy, I think about you ALL the time. I loved our conversation all those years ago, and I think that season of the pod was one of my favourites because of all the good, real chats I had with listeners all over the world. I don't know if you knew this, but those conversations were as helpful for me as anyone else because it helped me expand my ideas of slowness and get out of the bubble of blogs/podcasts/books that I had existed in for years, where some fairly unsustainable ideas had become normalised. I have so much love for YOU! xx
Brooke you write with your heart wide open and oh how it inspires me, delights me, opens me to those that I love
Slow for me is a feeling, that was ignored at my peril many years ago, now I understand that feeling, I am grateful for that feeling as it supports me moving CAREfully and supports me in creating a life that is uniquely authentically mine
Hallelujah I say 🙏
Kindest
Joh
oh yes, dear Brooke! I too have found it utterly exhausting at times, trying to deal with not being able to 'unsee' what I have seen, 'unread' what I have read, ''unhear what I have heard ~ in short, 'unknow'! Sometimes I look at my past self and think how blissful ignorance was. Even after writing my slightly flippant comment on your resources Note, about needing an extension to my week to get through all the links, I was thinking I'm never going to follow all those suggestions/ideas/inspirations/etc because a] it'll be far too much screen time (Rhythms Retreat!) and b] I'll end up turned inside out!
I am, however, looking forward to dipping in here, delving in there because there will be gems to discover, just as there will be things that will be gems for others but not for me. And therein lies the importance of, as you said, frequently referring back to one's values AND I think, not being afraid to move on when something isn't working or doesn't feel right. We do not have to be perfect in order to be valid.
Take care xx