I have had problems with social media since 2015. Since then, every December I would delete my socials for the whole month, sometimes up to the middle of January. I needed that time to have more headspace & be in the moment. That first year, I deleted Facebook entirely & didn’t go back on until last year. Why did I go back to Facebook? I finally got sick of being the odd one out within my kids school & sporting groups. I missed SO much information by not being in the groups. So now I’m there for those groups plus after my daughters autism diagnosis I found some really helpful online groups too so that’s it. Occasionally I post a photo of the kids because all my relatives live across the country from us but that’s it.
As for Instagram, it’s been a different situation. I think I’ve deleted my entire account 3 or 4 times. Sometimes for 6 months & other times as long as 18 months. But something always draws me back.
I went back a few months ago after not using Instagram for over 12 months & I finally figured out a way to make it work for me. I don’t follow anyone I know in real life. I don’t follow people I used to think of as “online friends”. I only post about the food I make & the books I read which means little back & forth commenting on my own posts. I only follow food accounts, podcasters or authors I like, accounts related to autism, ARFID, anti diet & a few mid size/plus size fashion accounts. I think it’s just over 100 accounts. This seems to work for me because I don’t have anyone to compare myself to & I don’t feel the need to comment as often because of these accounts are huge, they don’t feel personal so a comment here or there & a like feels like enough. I’m there for information, recipe gathering & to look at delicious food.
I don’t see Instagram as an extension of myself any more, a way to show the world who I am. It’s just those two things, cooking & reading, that I want to talk about & even then I do it in such a matter of fact way. It’s not like I used to do in the past where so many of my post were like a personal diary or therapy session. I don’t share personal stuff, my family or my daily life like I once did. And that is good for me. After 16 years of using social media, I think I have figured out a way where it doesn’t make me feel like shit.
Late last year I deleted my Instagram completely because I was sick of wasting hours watching multiple versions of the same reels and mindlessly scrolling. l deactivated Facebook too, only keeping it because my workplace has their Manager's chat on a Messenger group. A couple of months ago I got sick of the Managers Chat being something that could take up headspace when I wasn't there so I completely deleted Facebook too and told them to just communicate to me in person when I'm physically at work.
My motivation is that I moved 3000km from where I grew up in 2020 and felt this obligation to post about what I'm doing in my life, only for people to comment on my photos about how jealous they are, because my new home is a tourist town that happens to sit between the Great Barrier Reef and the Daintree Rainforest, so it's very pretty and warm compared to Melbourne. I also switched from corporate tech sales to hospitality so a lot of people fundamentally couldn't grasp me jumping off the capitalism bandwagon and openly judged me for it. A few friends turned to using their social media for negativity and trauma dumping and after unfollowing a lot of that it didn't really leave much. For the people who supported me and vice versa, we keep in touch by SMS and phonecalls, and for the rest, well, life moves on.
My partner has a facebook account that he never posts on that he uses purely to see announcements for band tours or festivals and I am signed up to email newsletters for those things, so I don't feel like I miss out on anything by not having it. We've been back to Melbourne a couple of times for weddings since then and it was really nice not posting and getting the "oh you're here! You didn't tell me! We need to catch up!" routine, purely because it's convenient for them that I'm there. We could be a lot more intentional about what we did and who we made plans with, which is really nice.
I relate to this SO deeply. I took the entire year off social media in 2022 and it was phenomenal. Unfortunately, I created a new Facebook at the beginning of the year after multiple school lockdowns and shelter in place orders in my community (yay, US lack of gun control 😐). I’m also back on the gram solely for the purpose of sharing a cause very close to my heart. But once the bill we are lobbying for passes (🤞🏻) I will be off social media again. It makes me feel physically ill and like you, I store all the useless information I see in the crevices of my brain.
Thank you for sharing this. Whenever I read your posts I am so thankful for this corner of the internet. ♥️🐢
One evening almost a year ago I was mindlessly scrolling Tik Tok and before I knew it 3.5 hours had gone by, I was slumped into the sofa with my spine curled like a cashew and my eyes were dry as a bone. I sat up and realized what had gone down for the past 3.5 hours yet I couldn’t recall what I had consumed on Tik Tok. A wave of disappointment came over me and I vowed this mindlessness needed to end. I deleted it immediately, but not without some concern that by doing so I may miss some important nugget of wisdom. The content I consumed was mostly regarding keeping my mental health in check and simple living. Isn’t that laughable? How ironic that my chosen platform to seek information was taking from me the things I was trying to preserve and become. Fast forward to now and it has been almost a year and I don’t miss it. I have now removed Instagram and Facebook from my phone as well. I do have the capability to check both Instagram and Facebook on my computer but it’s not very much fun on your computer as these apps addictive qualities seem to be specifically designed for the smart phone. I check in about once a month or so with Facebook through my computer and it’s usually to buy or sell something on marketplace. I still find all the information I need by following a handful of podcasts and reading more books. Only huge gains for me deleting social media and I am so grateful 🙏
You RAD human you Brooke McAlary, thank you, thank you! For putting so eloquently the feelings and thoughts swelling around in my head. 'I don't love capitalism.....I don't love social media....I partake - as mindfully and intentionally as possible.' BRILLIANT! Will be quoting you for a while on this! LOVE
I can very much echo your feelings about it all. I was nodding through this whole post. I love being able to keep in touch with people who live far from me but I also hate that it rarely is a personal connection and is often just meme and opinion sharing. People rarely reach out to each other personally. I turned off the ability for others to post on my fb once and someone eventually messaged me to say happy birthday telling me how hard of a time they had trying to post. But it accomplished exactly whatI wanted. More people I knew well actually texted or called me to say happy birthday. As a self employed creative person I struggle with all the "necessary"self promotion because it feels icky to me and I end up doing so little promotion and just keep telling my stories here and on my website and figure that the people who find me and follow me will do so because they truly want to and not because I showed up in their feed enough times to convince them they "have" to. The worst part of social media is when you text a friend and they don't respond for days but have time to post all over social media. I have a busy life too, but that one thing says so much even if people don't think it does. As someone else mentioned, it absolutely is making us less social and more attention-needing/seeking.
Funnily enough it was the birthday thing that confirmed for me that social media doesn't hold anything meaningful for me. Without Facebook telling people it was my birthday, literally nobody who didn't already message me directly anyway contacted me.
Having struggled with the same kind of feelings towards social media, and with addiction to especially Instagram, I kind of woke up, reading this, to realize that I honestly haven’t been on social media for the past month or so. It hasn’t been a conscious decision, I just haven’t had the urge to post, to see other people’s posts, or even scroll a bit. The only posts on Substack I’ve read / listened to are yours.
So I guess I’ve finally achieved the zen state of mind towards social media that I’ve been striving for for years, and not even noticed it because it’s become such a been-there-seen-that for me. Hooray?!
Thank you for sharing Brookie! Lately I’ve been deleting apps off my phone - FB and Instagram in particular. It’s actually been sooo lovely! I do still check in, but try to do it mindfully and I don’t like to jump on first thing in the morning. Less scrolling time and it’s just a quick check in to maybe touch base with family & friends. Then it’s straight off and enjoying precious time with my sweet little 4 1/2 month old daughter, family and friends and getting outside and soaking up the fresh air. I love taking photos of loved ones and things that are important to me. Sometimes, I enjoy sharing them too! Love your idea on a monthly photo dump. The extra time I have in my days without the need to jump down the Instagram rabbit hole...my mind is much clearer! And there’s just so much more to life! Connecting with family & friends, exercising, reading or getting lost in a film or series lately for me is much more enjoyable than scrolling.
I look forward to signing off the grid over the long weekend. Have a lovely long weekend with your family! Much love xx
Im lonely I use Insta and YouTube as a way to distract myself from my feelings. It works in the short term but ultimately leaves me feeling less than and more than a little bit shit about myself and my life. The struggle is real. I’m seriously thinking of deleting Insta I’m sure I can search out the craft inspiration that I mainly use it for in an intentional way rather than the mindless scrolling that just shows me what I’m not doing, having or being.
Truth be told I’d probably seek out more in person connection if i didn’t have such an easy escape.
I’m enjoying reading others thoughts about it all.
It’s funny how social media leaves us less social. It will never fill the void we so long to be filled. Once you now the truth of it, that those online “friends” do nothing to fill our cup. Life without it leaves us less anxious and it clears the path for real life with real people 💖
Kate, thanks so much for sharing this. I can completely understand the use of IG and YouTube as distractions from feelings! "Truth be told I'd probably seek out more in person connection if i didn't have such an easy escape" -- what a powerful insight! The ease of access to social media is definitely one of it's most "addicting" qualities, I feel. If you don't mind me asking, do you have ideas as to where you might turn to for more opportunities for in person connection?
Gave up twitter when it turned nasty. Started by setting time limits on Facebook and Instagram to be mindful. The went through and deleted all the people/groups that didn’t bring me joy. Now I check in about once a week and meaningfully interact with content I care about. It gives me such joy to miss out!
Thank you again for sharing Brooke. I can relate so much 😭. I have a dilemma that I don't want to use socials but like you feel I need to have a foot in the door, just in case, for my business.
I would love any suggestions of how I could minimise my use for my business(yoga) as I currently schedule a week's worth ahead of time. I find even checking in on that in a pain and then draws me into looking at what is happening in my own Facebook pages!!!
I would love to delete the lot and just have my website...is this crazy 🤪???
Great post 😀 Brooke, I wonder how you manage What’s App and Messenger and the like for their constant notifications... some important and some just distractions?!
Such a timely read for me. I have felt a pull to have breaks or somehow ‘limit’ my social media use for a while now but haven’t done anything about it. And so frequently the scrolling turns into 30 minutes and I reflect on how I could have used that time more consciously (ahem perhaps to read a Substack article that I choose to read not endless reels that just pop up).
Last night I really felt my inner voice scream NO MORE! So this morning I consciously open Substack and see this post...thanks universe (and you Brooke). I’ll start with. A weekend if and review from there. Suddenly I feel so much lighter and empowered
A few weeks ago I deleted my FB and my Insta Account. I never had the app, but I was as addicted as everyone, because I still checked it over my phone. I miss it terribly, but I realise, that I don‘t miss all the ads and all the influencers who promoted this product and that. I miss some contents, but I tried to stay in touch with the really inspiring people via Newsletter. I can‘t say that I saved money yet, but I‘m absolutely sure I will! I realise I‘m already feeling better about me not achieving all that fancy things all the influencers seem to achieve. And I started reading books again, actual books. I love it, I missed it without realising... So sad, so good!
I have had problems with social media since 2015. Since then, every December I would delete my socials for the whole month, sometimes up to the middle of January. I needed that time to have more headspace & be in the moment. That first year, I deleted Facebook entirely & didn’t go back on until last year. Why did I go back to Facebook? I finally got sick of being the odd one out within my kids school & sporting groups. I missed SO much information by not being in the groups. So now I’m there for those groups plus after my daughters autism diagnosis I found some really helpful online groups too so that’s it. Occasionally I post a photo of the kids because all my relatives live across the country from us but that’s it.
As for Instagram, it’s been a different situation. I think I’ve deleted my entire account 3 or 4 times. Sometimes for 6 months & other times as long as 18 months. But something always draws me back.
I went back a few months ago after not using Instagram for over 12 months & I finally figured out a way to make it work for me. I don’t follow anyone I know in real life. I don’t follow people I used to think of as “online friends”. I only post about the food I make & the books I read which means little back & forth commenting on my own posts. I only follow food accounts, podcasters or authors I like, accounts related to autism, ARFID, anti diet & a few mid size/plus size fashion accounts. I think it’s just over 100 accounts. This seems to work for me because I don’t have anyone to compare myself to & I don’t feel the need to comment as often because of these accounts are huge, they don’t feel personal so a comment here or there & a like feels like enough. I’m there for information, recipe gathering & to look at delicious food.
I don’t see Instagram as an extension of myself any more, a way to show the world who I am. It’s just those two things, cooking & reading, that I want to talk about & even then I do it in such a matter of fact way. It’s not like I used to do in the past where so many of my post were like a personal diary or therapy session. I don’t share personal stuff, my family or my daily life like I once did. And that is good for me. After 16 years of using social media, I think I have figured out a way where it doesn’t make me feel like shit.
That’s ace Reannon! Good on you for finding your groove with social media.
Late last year I deleted my Instagram completely because I was sick of wasting hours watching multiple versions of the same reels and mindlessly scrolling. l deactivated Facebook too, only keeping it because my workplace has their Manager's chat on a Messenger group. A couple of months ago I got sick of the Managers Chat being something that could take up headspace when I wasn't there so I completely deleted Facebook too and told them to just communicate to me in person when I'm physically at work.
My motivation is that I moved 3000km from where I grew up in 2020 and felt this obligation to post about what I'm doing in my life, only for people to comment on my photos about how jealous they are, because my new home is a tourist town that happens to sit between the Great Barrier Reef and the Daintree Rainforest, so it's very pretty and warm compared to Melbourne. I also switched from corporate tech sales to hospitality so a lot of people fundamentally couldn't grasp me jumping off the capitalism bandwagon and openly judged me for it. A few friends turned to using their social media for negativity and trauma dumping and after unfollowing a lot of that it didn't really leave much. For the people who supported me and vice versa, we keep in touch by SMS and phonecalls, and for the rest, well, life moves on.
My partner has a facebook account that he never posts on that he uses purely to see announcements for band tours or festivals and I am signed up to email newsletters for those things, so I don't feel like I miss out on anything by not having it. We've been back to Melbourne a couple of times for weddings since then and it was really nice not posting and getting the "oh you're here! You didn't tell me! We need to catch up!" routine, purely because it's convenient for them that I'm there. We could be a lot more intentional about what we did and who we made plans with, which is really nice.
I relate to this SO deeply. I took the entire year off social media in 2022 and it was phenomenal. Unfortunately, I created a new Facebook at the beginning of the year after multiple school lockdowns and shelter in place orders in my community (yay, US lack of gun control 😐). I’m also back on the gram solely for the purpose of sharing a cause very close to my heart. But once the bill we are lobbying for passes (🤞🏻) I will be off social media again. It makes me feel physically ill and like you, I store all the useless information I see in the crevices of my brain.
Thank you for sharing this. Whenever I read your posts I am so thankful for this corner of the internet. ♥️🐢
One evening almost a year ago I was mindlessly scrolling Tik Tok and before I knew it 3.5 hours had gone by, I was slumped into the sofa with my spine curled like a cashew and my eyes were dry as a bone. I sat up and realized what had gone down for the past 3.5 hours yet I couldn’t recall what I had consumed on Tik Tok. A wave of disappointment came over me and I vowed this mindlessness needed to end. I deleted it immediately, but not without some concern that by doing so I may miss some important nugget of wisdom. The content I consumed was mostly regarding keeping my mental health in check and simple living. Isn’t that laughable? How ironic that my chosen platform to seek information was taking from me the things I was trying to preserve and become. Fast forward to now and it has been almost a year and I don’t miss it. I have now removed Instagram and Facebook from my phone as well. I do have the capability to check both Instagram and Facebook on my computer but it’s not very much fun on your computer as these apps addictive qualities seem to be specifically designed for the smart phone. I check in about once a month or so with Facebook through my computer and it’s usually to buy or sell something on marketplace. I still find all the information I need by following a handful of podcasts and reading more books. Only huge gains for me deleting social media and I am so grateful 🙏
this is very inspiring and empowering, real life will always be better for me, thank you for sharing your story
You RAD human you Brooke McAlary, thank you, thank you! For putting so eloquently the feelings and thoughts swelling around in my head. 'I don't love capitalism.....I don't love social media....I partake - as mindfully and intentionally as possible.' BRILLIANT! Will be quoting you for a while on this! LOVE
I can very much echo your feelings about it all. I was nodding through this whole post. I love being able to keep in touch with people who live far from me but I also hate that it rarely is a personal connection and is often just meme and opinion sharing. People rarely reach out to each other personally. I turned off the ability for others to post on my fb once and someone eventually messaged me to say happy birthday telling me how hard of a time they had trying to post. But it accomplished exactly whatI wanted. More people I knew well actually texted or called me to say happy birthday. As a self employed creative person I struggle with all the "necessary"self promotion because it feels icky to me and I end up doing so little promotion and just keep telling my stories here and on my website and figure that the people who find me and follow me will do so because they truly want to and not because I showed up in their feed enough times to convince them they "have" to. The worst part of social media is when you text a friend and they don't respond for days but have time to post all over social media. I have a busy life too, but that one thing says so much even if people don't think it does. As someone else mentioned, it absolutely is making us less social and more attention-needing/seeking.
Funnily enough it was the birthday thing that confirmed for me that social media doesn't hold anything meaningful for me. Without Facebook telling people it was my birthday, literally nobody who didn't already message me directly anyway contacted me.
Isn’t that sad? I feel the same
Having struggled with the same kind of feelings towards social media, and with addiction to especially Instagram, I kind of woke up, reading this, to realize that I honestly haven’t been on social media for the past month or so. It hasn’t been a conscious decision, I just haven’t had the urge to post, to see other people’s posts, or even scroll a bit. The only posts on Substack I’ve read / listened to are yours.
So I guess I’ve finally achieved the zen state of mind towards social media that I’ve been striving for for years, and not even noticed it because it’s become such a been-there-seen-that for me. Hooray?!
Thank you for sharing Brookie! Lately I’ve been deleting apps off my phone - FB and Instagram in particular. It’s actually been sooo lovely! I do still check in, but try to do it mindfully and I don’t like to jump on first thing in the morning. Less scrolling time and it’s just a quick check in to maybe touch base with family & friends. Then it’s straight off and enjoying precious time with my sweet little 4 1/2 month old daughter, family and friends and getting outside and soaking up the fresh air. I love taking photos of loved ones and things that are important to me. Sometimes, I enjoy sharing them too! Love your idea on a monthly photo dump. The extra time I have in my days without the need to jump down the Instagram rabbit hole...my mind is much clearer! And there’s just so much more to life! Connecting with family & friends, exercising, reading or getting lost in a film or series lately for me is much more enjoyable than scrolling.
I look forward to signing off the grid over the long weekend. Have a lovely long weekend with your family! Much love xx
Im lonely I use Insta and YouTube as a way to distract myself from my feelings. It works in the short term but ultimately leaves me feeling less than and more than a little bit shit about myself and my life. The struggle is real. I’m seriously thinking of deleting Insta I’m sure I can search out the craft inspiration that I mainly use it for in an intentional way rather than the mindless scrolling that just shows me what I’m not doing, having or being.
Truth be told I’d probably seek out more in person connection if i didn’t have such an easy escape.
I’m enjoying reading others thoughts about it all.
It’s funny how social media leaves us less social. It will never fill the void we so long to be filled. Once you now the truth of it, that those online “friends” do nothing to fill our cup. Life without it leaves us less anxious and it clears the path for real life with real people 💖
Kate, thanks so much for sharing this. I can completely understand the use of IG and YouTube as distractions from feelings! "Truth be told I'd probably seek out more in person connection if i didn't have such an easy escape" -- what a powerful insight! The ease of access to social media is definitely one of it's most "addicting" qualities, I feel. If you don't mind me asking, do you have ideas as to where you might turn to for more opportunities for in person connection?
Gave up twitter when it turned nasty. Started by setting time limits on Facebook and Instagram to be mindful. The went through and deleted all the people/groups that didn’t bring me joy. Now I check in about once a week and meaningfully interact with content I care about. It gives me such joy to miss out!
Thank you again for sharing Brooke. I can relate so much 😭. I have a dilemma that I don't want to use socials but like you feel I need to have a foot in the door, just in case, for my business.
I would love any suggestions of how I could minimise my use for my business(yoga) as I currently schedule a week's worth ahead of time. I find even checking in on that in a pain and then draws me into looking at what is happening in my own Facebook pages!!!
I would love to delete the lot and just have my website...is this crazy 🤪???
I really loved this one Brooke!
Great post 😀 Brooke, I wonder how you manage What’s App and Messenger and the like for their constant notifications... some important and some just distractions?!
Turn off the notifications if they bother you. If the phone gives you problems, put it in a glass of water. Problem solved.
Appreciate this so much. 🌺
Such a timely read for me. I have felt a pull to have breaks or somehow ‘limit’ my social media use for a while now but haven’t done anything about it. And so frequently the scrolling turns into 30 minutes and I reflect on how I could have used that time more consciously (ahem perhaps to read a Substack article that I choose to read not endless reels that just pop up).
Last night I really felt my inner voice scream NO MORE! So this morning I consciously open Substack and see this post...thanks universe (and you Brooke). I’ll start with. A weekend if and review from there. Suddenly I feel so much lighter and empowered
A few weeks ago I deleted my FB and my Insta Account. I never had the app, but I was as addicted as everyone, because I still checked it over my phone. I miss it terribly, but I realise, that I don‘t miss all the ads and all the influencers who promoted this product and that. I miss some contents, but I tried to stay in touch with the really inspiring people via Newsletter. I can‘t say that I saved money yet, but I‘m absolutely sure I will! I realise I‘m already feeling better about me not achieving all that fancy things all the influencers seem to achieve. And I started reading books again, actual books. I love it, I missed it without realising... So sad, so good!