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Aug 8, 2023Liked by Brooke McAlary

Thank you, Brooke for this beautiful post which resonates so completely with me (and lots of others by the comments!!). I have spent most of my life feeling overwhelmed and that is without trying to also navigate a chronic health issue. Since I gave up work last year I have felt an enormous sense of guilt, a lot of which comes from society's expectations of what a 'productive' life looks like.

I have also come to realise that I am actually a really slow worker! I always struggled with why I was such a slow reader, or took so long to complete tasks that others do in a fraction of the time. I now embrace it and see it as part of being a highly sensitive person and this has helped ease my sense of guilt and reduce my expectations which were often based on comparing myself with others. I'm a plodder. I take time to do things!!

This week I read a great newsletter from Oliver Burkeman and he suggested that instead of having huge 'to-do' lists of things we feel we need to get done or want to achieve, we view this list as a menu. Just like when you go to an American diner with a 1000 items and variations on the menu. You aren't going to have them all but you can choose what you feel you will most enjoy today. Maybe you'll come back for more, maybe next time you'll try something different. I love this idea as I know I can't do everything, but I can do what is most important to me in this moment. It seems to sit nicely with the quote by Rumi which I love, "Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray". Let's all take the pressure off ourselves and each other, and try and spend that 1% of our day doing something which we are intentionally drawn to. It doesn't have to be for any other reason than that is the choice we make from the menu today. xx

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Oh yes, the comparisons are so hard to overcome aren't they? But ultimately they don't serve us in any positive way... which is what I try and remind myself of every time I catch myself doing it. Thanks as always for being here and sharing so beautifully Carolyn xx

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Aug 9, 2023Liked by Brooke McAlary

oh carolyn i hear you on the expectations of what a productive life looks like.

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Ok, I have a question for you. How do you deal with the hump that you face when you begin nearly every creative task at home? ie things like - for me - playing the piano and drawing. My inner voice keeps popping up with 'nah, what's the point', or somesuch. Thanks! xhelen

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Ooh, that is a good question! It's a tricky one because we're so used to things having "a point" aren't we? I'm constantly trying to remind myself to focus on the *feel* of things rather than the outcome (so, it could be how you might feel when you draw or play piano — creative, playful, fulfilled, child-like. Or it could be broader than that and you might think about how a life with little moments of creativity feels — maybe it feels like freedom, or it feels spacious, or it feels like the life you imagined for yourself five years ago...)

The thing I like about focusing on the feel of things is that inevitably we realise that we *are* doing the thing, whatever it is, and it looks different to how we expected. That realisation then leads us into recalibrating our expectations.

(And yes, I'm reading this over with a wry smile on my face because I also need to do some of this recalibration! Thank you for asking such a great question and giving me lots to think about Helen) 💚💚

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Thanks! I went off and played the piano...rustily, but still...I think we need encouragement more than anything.

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Consider me your Chief Encouragement Officer!

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This is the hardest part of any project. The starting point. I find that it’s helps if I make it a daily habit. Starting small with time. If I can create a container for this project so I don’t feel rushed or pressured to complete it quickly. Finding the joy in starting something new. ❤️

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Oh I love this Blythe: "Finding the joy in starting something new." I agree so much and will be carrying these words around with me. Thank you! 💚

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Aug 8, 2023Liked by Brooke McAlary

I have that problem too Helen, I keep putting it off, it's that fear of facing a blank page.

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I totally get it! Sometimes I like to write something extraordinarily terrible just so the page isn't blank anymore, or tell myself to simply write one line. If that's all I do, then that's totally fine, but often (usually, even) I end up writing more. It's just getting over that hump of starting, and letting go of my expectations of what comes next. (Easier said than done, I know!) x

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Like Kelly, I want to thank you for making this post unpaid. I’m on disability due to Long COVID and the margins here are uncomfortably tight. I do love the simplicity of 1% of one’s day = 15 minutes to do something differently. It reminds me of Bruce Campbell who recovered from ME/CFS over the course of years by getting just 1% better every month. (He has a web community and book if anyone’s interested).

I just started my Substack three weeks ago - please do check it out if you’re interested. Entirely free for now: longcovidandme.Substack.com

Here’s to a gentle August for you. Thanks again 🙏🏻

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So lovely to meet you Amy - thank you for saying hello! I'm so intrigued by Bruce Campbell, I hadn't heard of him before, but will definitely look into his story. I really am fascinated by the idea of slow change. 💚

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Thank you so much for sharing this post with everyone! 💖 I love the idea of the 1%! That's a new concept for me. I think I might start by spending 15 minutes of a day brainstorming lovely ways I can spend 15 minutes.

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Well that is a perfect way of spending 15 minutes, I think!! Enjoy 💚

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Aug 8, 2023Liked by Brooke McAlary

I’m dealing with a health issue these last 3 months and it has left me unable to work or clean my house and then my nervous system joined in and doesn’t want me to go places. It is incredibly lonely and also boring. I miss my life and desire to return to it but not at the pace that I left it at. Right now all I can manage is one task a day like empty the dishwasher or order some groceries. I am getting the help I need and I require patience in the healing process and hope that I will get better. Thanks Brook for your writing and for your podcast. I listen as I walk and it soothes me.

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I'm so sorry you're going through this Melanie, and I hear you on it being lonely and boring. I find the tension between wanting to 'get back to life' and the need to not do as much so hard to deal with some days. It sounds like your approach of doing one thing a day is sustainable though, and I hope it keeps serving you well. In the meantime, just know you're not alone 💚

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Thanks Brook. I know you have gone through health challenges and understand that tension. Feeling alone is my biggest sadness right now.

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I can relate to this piece. Thank you! I've been overwhelmed by life's circumstances lately, so, inadvertently, my motto has become, "Just do one thing (writing related), one small thing and that's it. It'll be okay as long as you can get one small thing done for today."

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Yes! I find so much relief in letting myself do just one thing too (though it's not always easy to let myself do it). Super glad to hear you enjoyed the post, and so happy to have you here. 💚

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Thank you! I'm happy to be here <3

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Aug 8, 2023Liked by Brooke McAlary

I not only want to embrace 1% but really need to. I to have a few health challenges that mean I am not able to clean my whole house in one day anymore, on good days, 2 hours is is probably the max. However, I find that by the time I have done the normal everyday cooking, tidying, house admin tasks, I've exhausted my resources and don't have anything left to tackle to decluttering or organising or whatever other task I never get around to. How do I keep afloat with the everyday life things, and still make time for making progress on my long lists of tasks?

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You've just hit on the thing I struggle with too Susan. Most days, especially over the past couple of months, I really have very little energy left after the 'normal' things are done. So some days that means nothing else happens (which is why my garden is currently very neglected) and I'm having to learn to be okay with that. It's hard. Then, on other days, I stick to the 1%. I set my timer for 15 minutes and just do what I can in that time, knowing that it won't all get done. With decluttering that might look like taking out five things from a cupboard, or creating some boxes for different decluttering destinations (donate, recycle etc), or picking one shelf or one corner of a surface to work on. Shrinking the job down to what feels almost silly, and then allowing it to be enough.

There are days though, plenty of them, where that's too much even, and that's where my 1% is simply allowing it to be.

💚💚

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Thanks Brooke, it’s good to know I’m not alone in these struggles. I guess my brain just hasn’t caught up with my body. It’s going to take lots and lots of practice of reducing expectations on myself and trying to not get too frustrated. 🥰

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Thank you for opening this up to unpaid subscribers. As much as I'd love to support so many wonderful writers on this beautiful platform, I simply don't have budget to do so. However, reading this post this early morning feels like I could have written it. But I struggle with reeling all of my thoughts in...like creative ideas, writing, things to do to spend my time - I have a million ideas and that is the opposite of slow living. I feel unrest almost all of the time yet I strive for the calmness taking over my nervous system that comes with slow living. I am, however, living in trauma with a teenage daughter we have to keep our eyes on constantly for life or death's sake. But, because of this trauma and CPTSD, I MUST make time for rest, and thinking and seeking beauty so in a way, slow living came about to me out of a means for survival. Have you broached this topic with any of your readers? I mean, I assume usually it's a choice, right? But what if you are sort of forced into needing it out of necessity? My 1% survival / coping mechanism - from my to do list, do something, not everything, and something is good. In my create life, create everyday, but give myself permission to make ugly things. They count, too. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries - for my soul, not with others - like allow grief, sadness, overwhelm, anger, discontentment (etc) there place at the table, but tell them they can't stay. A book is helping me with this (Boundaries for the Soul), and I, too, struggle with health as our entire family became extremely sick from hidden toxic mold in a home we had to escape and throw away all of our belongings with no help from insurance (hence the financial strain, not to mention the integrative doctors we all have to see), so self-care is a must, as well. And I love your 'thinking about writing' - me too. That falls in that category 'do something, not everything, and something is good'. Reducing expectations is key. I also write a lot here in this space about my healing journey (and trauma because well, that's what I know) and things that help it along the way and certainly seeking beauty is at the top. But finally, taking time to rest and create and seek beauty is not a 'nice to have' it's a must have. It's the only way to healing. That, and Jesus. Thank you, again, for opening up and sharing these thoughts with us. I'm grateful and I'm stopping now to pray for you. Have a wonderful week. ❤️Kelly

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Thanks so much for being here Kelly, and for such a lovely comment. I'm sorry your family is being challenged in so many ways. Honestly, I think one of the things that helps me with the constant flow of ideas (I'm much the same as you - I have countless ideas flowing constantly and often say that I write about slow living not because I'm good at it but because I need it so much) is brain dumping or stream of consciousness journalling. I let the thoughts or ideas be what they are, and once they're on the page they feel infinitely more manageable. I do that for home-based tasks, creative ideas, work tasks, any time I'm feeling overwhelmed, and it helps me to quantify what I'm struggling with and what I want to work on. Then it's a matter of looking at what I have capacity for — whether it's 15 minutes, or a tiny task — and being okay with that. Some days we have more capacity than others, and what we really need to give ourselves is compassion and grace wherever possible. Easier said than done, I know, but I tend to think that slow living is more about this than it is about the pace at which we live. Taking the pressure off is one way of reducing the sense of urgency in life, and for me, that's a huge part of the whole philosophy. 💚💚

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Thanks for your thoughtful reply, Brooke. I appreciate you taking the time. Stream of consciousness journaling (I just wrote an entire post on ways to fill a journal and this was one...well, basically 'morning pages') has been very helpful for me, too. Yes, I guess I'm still trying to figure out the whole slow living thing...what it does and does not entail. Thanks again!! I appreciate you.

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Thank you for this reflection Brooke. It’s really helpful when looking at August when I traditionally want to get as much done as possible! I try and use the opportunity to crack on with projects, whilst it’s a bit quieter, ignoring my bodies need for rest and relaxation. I try and nudge away the thoughts that I should be there by now. There are different plans for me I know, I just can’t see them yet, so I am doing my best to surrender to divine timing. 🙏💫

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Oh I hear you on 'ignoring our bodies need for rest and relaxation' Louise! It's a constant thread running through my life too — knowing I need it, and believing in its power, but still questioning or resisting or feeling guilt about it. There's so much to unlearn about productivity isn't there? Here's to some restful August days for you though - you're allowed to take them 💚💚

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Beautifully written and oh so relevant to me right now!

My phrase I have been repeating to myself this last month is “gentle gentle Korynn”...

I’m an artist and I’m literally just about to release a whole new collection of work with my gallery which always takes me out of my comfort zone. I have been really trying to focus on the concept of finding “a place for being” within my process rather than having that PUSH PUSH mentality that I have had in the past.

Literally just finished recording a podcast episode about this very thing!

Always enjoy your lessons.

Thank you ☺️

https://open.substack.com/pub/daringcreativelywithkorynn/p/creating-a-place-for-being-episode?r=23sxi7&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

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