41 for 41
on getting older and letting go, PLUS an elder Millennial-style list to celebrate my birthday
(This voiceover is an audio version of the newsletter below. It’s unedited, and today includes lots of word stumbles - sorry! If you like/need to listen to these posts I hope you enjoy it anyway!)
I turned 41 a few weeks ago and despite the anti-aging bullshit we’re served up in the media constantly; the kind that tells me I should be freaking out about my fast-approaching and inevitable tumble into middle-age; I’m happy about it.
41 feels (mostly) good so far. It doesn’t feel remotely old, and 41 years doesn’t even seem like a long time. At least until I realise:
There are fully qualified teachers who were born after I finished high school.
I have adult nieces and nephews way younger than my favourite albums.
Clothes I wore in high school are now back in fashion and considered “vintage” (And look, while low-rise jeans might be on trend again, you will remove high-waisted pants from the clutch of my cold dead hands. I wore two-button-fly Levis as a teenager and will never go back to anything lower than a mid-rise, and even then, only if it’s got elastic in the waist.)
Some of the movies I grew up watching in the 80s and 90s would never get made now, while others have morphed into Gen Z’s version of golden oldies. My daughter watches Mean Girls and 10 Things I Hate About You and Clueless like I used to watch Pretty In Pink and Weird Science and The Lost Boys.
So, sure, maybe a little time has passed.
But in that time, a whole lot of life has happened too. I have grown up and fallen in love and travelled and made a family with Ben and gone on adventures and written books and had terrible jobs and felt like an alien in my own body and rediscovered myself and learnt and failed and changed and resisted and accepted.
And all of this - the birthday, the reflection, the passing of time - made me wonder: What do I know to be true - for me, for now?
So, like the elder Millennial content creator I am, I wrote a list.
I began writing it as a “list of things I’ve learnt” - a well-worn trope of the internet that I happen to love - but somewhere along the way it morphed into a “list of things to remind myself of” because while the former suggests I’ve got my shit together, the latter tells me it’s okay not to.
41 reminders for 41 years
(Alternatively titled: Refer to this list when you inevitably realise you don’t, in fact, have your shit together)
You don’t need to earn rest.
Salt water heals.
Get to the mountains/bush/forest/river whenever you can.
When your daughter asks if you can go on a pre-dawn adventure to watch the sun rise, say yes.
When your son wants to come on the evening dog walk, even if you really want the time alone, say yes.
If in doubt, get away from your screen for a minute. Go stretch or drink some water.
Prioritise sleep. You need more than you think.
Go for the walk. You never regret it.
Be curious about what’s happening in your body. Keep learning how your brain works, how your hormones work, and what you can do to support them.
Laugh. More.
Dance in the kitchen. Nothing makes you happier, faster.
You don’t need a lot of friends. But try and be a better mate to the ones you have.
If someone calls you anti-social - like it’s a bad thing - they aren’t your people.
Yes, being a non-drinker will feel boring sometimes. But you’ll still be glad for it.
It’s never too late to start something new.
Stop listening to people who make you feel bad.
You’re not everyone’s cup of tea.
Lift weights. You like feeling stronger.
Not everything you write needs to be written with an audience in mind. It’s okay to write for you, write to heal, write to understand.
Things that were true for you in the past will no longer be true. That doesn’t mean either version of yourself is lying. It means you’ve changed.
You are allowed to change.
When you feel jealous, look deeper. What do you feel unworthy of or insecure about?
Listen. Listen. Listen. And do it to understand, not to respond.
Stay open to your kids. They will come back to you.
Parenting is really freaking hard. Just keep showing up.
Meet things with lightness. It’s not your natural default, but you can practise.
Experiences over stuff.
Stop feeling guilty over every tiny thing. Yes, the world has massive problems. No, beating yourself up won’t fix them.
You will screw up. Often. Show your kids what it looks like to own your mistakes, to forgive yourself, to move on.
Remind yourself that most people in the world want the same things: to be safe, to be happy, to belong.
Remember that social media serves us negative stories because engagement is higher when it does. So get offline, seek out something beautiful, something real.
You get your best ideas when your mind is wandering. Go for a walk, water the garden by hand, wash the dishes and let your mind go.
Most things will feel better in the morning. But 2am is when everything feels its worst.
Don’t ever worry that you will run out of ideas. There are times where they are plentiful – write them down – and then there are times where you’re meant to rest, turn inward and restore yourself. Both are valid.
You’re allowed to take up space.
Your idealism is not a weakness. Neither is your sensitivity.
The wounds we carry from our younger years are real. They’re not silly or imagined or dramatic. They shape who you are. Go gently with them.
Remember what it was like to grow up – much of it is the same. But also remember that parts of it are different now.
The older you get, the more you need to stretch.
The answer is often simple, but simple is often hard to achieve.
Tiny, consistent steps add up to so much more than occasional flurries of activity.
I’m currently…
Thinking about this post - The "science of skincare" isn't science, or care - over on
. Jessica DeFino smashed it out again with her logical takedown of the skincare industry that seems to confuse aesthetics with health (while making massive profits). And as a result of reading this article, I'm now three days into my own skincare experiment - I’m using honey as a face cleanser for the next month. I used to use it all the time, and Jessica’s post reminded me. So far: it’s actually great.Excited about getting a haircut. It’s been a few months and…it’s time.
Watching some very excellent TV. Succession is back! And Alone: Australia has just started! And Wellmania kicks off this week too! Happy days.
Working on my novel. It’s been part of my 1% for March and I’m so amazed at the impact such a small effort has made. I’ll be writing about it more in Sunday’s 1% post.
Feeling grateful for all the wonderful feedback we got after the first episode of The Tortoise podcast last week. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – this is the best little corner of the internet.
And that’s it for the week. I’ll be back in inboxes in a couple of days with my first 1% recap post – it’s been an illuminating month, for sure.
In the meantime, we’re over in the chat talking about the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given. And good news! You can now access our Friday confab threads from your browser - just head over here to join in.
Here’s to a lovely weekend to you and yours,
Brooke xx
Happy Belated Birthday Brooke!!! I love how you “get it” and so eloquently share it!! 🤗
Loved this list! All 41 hold true. Thank you.