(This voiceover is an audio version of the newsletter below. If you need or prefer to get your info via audio, I hope it’s helpful. It is unedited, so includes life noises and word stumbles, and this week I’m pretty sure you can hear my stomach grumbling, which is nice.)
Last week I dug into Inner Slow and looked at why we sometimes need to make space in our lives first, by observing, reframing or removing things, in order to be able to add the external applications of slow to our lives.
I had planned on writing about the “fun stuff” in this post. i.e. what slow actually looks like and the practical changes you might want to make. But as I sat down to write, I remembered that this was something I’d tried (and failed) to do before.
When I wrote the proposal for Slow back in 2015, I had in mind a very different book than the one that was published. I thought I’d first talk about the origins of slow living, then dive into the practicalities of it. The what to dos and the how to do thems. And I guess I did to a certain extent. It’s just that those practicalities weren’t what I imagined.
Instead of pages about growing vegetables and mindful parenting and barefoot bushwalking and whatever else slow looked like for me at the time, there were chapters on letting go, paying attention, and learning to strike a wobbly balance. Less hands-on work, more in-head work.
Ultimately I learnt that what feels slow and intentional is governed more by our personal values than it is by a set of external rules. And those values shift and evolve over time.
What looks slow to me in this current season of life might look complicated or overwhelming to you in yours. The things I value, or the way I value them right now, might not resonate with you at all today (or ever). And that’s okay, because at its core slow living is about caring more and caring less, and the key to caring more and less about the right things is in making space to ask questions and work out what is important – to you.
If we try to live by a fixed set of slow living rules, we essentially replace one set of Joneses for another.
As I wrote in Slow…
Your version of slow living might include:
sustainability
waste-free living
selling all your stuff and going on an adventure
a tiny home
permaculture
quitting your job and starting something new
changing your diet to reflect the slow food philosophy
meditation
yoga
slow travel
home schooling
self sufficiency
country living
city living
Your version of slow living may include an off-grid home in the countryside, hand-knitted socks, working remotely, camping holidays, a big veggie garden, and a small brood of farm animals.
Or it could be a studio apartment in the middle of the city. Public transport, farmers markets, a 60-hour work week in a job you enjoy, a vibrant group of interesting friends, a tiny ethical wardrobe, ocean swimming twice a week and meditation each night.
It might be a suburban home, two young kids, homemade bread in lunchboxes, music in the kitchen every day, cleaning with vinegar and bicarb soda, part-time work, a tight budget, second hand clothes, Friday night pizza and Sundays spent at the beach.
There is no version of slow living that can cover it all, and there isn’t a person alive who could possibly cover all the bases all the time.
But even now, as I read these descriptions of different versions of slow that my 2015 self thought were so varied, I cringe a bit. Maybe it’s the pandemic, maybe it’s the shifting economic sands, maybe it’s my own evolution, maybe it’s simple, bone-deep exhaustion or getting older or my constant efforts to reduce my expectations and cut my standards, but all of those imaginary situations feel a stretch too far these days.
So instead of finding a version of slow that appeals to you and trying to mould yourself to fit, I invite you to create your own version, one rooted in your values, your circumstances, and your capacity, rather than those of someone else - no matter how well-intentioned they may be.
So how do we do that?
First, as we covered last week, you need a little bit of space to operate in. Look for a way to open up some time, energy or room in your life. Just a few moments a day is enough to start.
Then, get curious about this whole slow living thing. Ask yourself questions. Allow yourself to wonder why you’re here, what you hope to change in your life, who you’re doing it for.
When you picture slow living, what do you see? What appeals to you about it? What drew you to it in the first place?
As you start to answer these questions, ask yourself some more. Are these things ‘shoulds’? That is, are they someone else’s version of slow living that you’ve seen online or in books or in your friends’ homes? If yes, what about their version of slow living appeals to you? What specifics? There are most likely clues to what it is you’re looking for in these answers.
Then, once you start to get an idea of what slow living actually means to you, you can begin to ask yourself what Outer Slow might look like.
Build a beautiful vision of it – in your head, in your journal, a drawing on a scrap piece of paper – and imagine all the ways Outer Slow might show up in your life. Big or small, it doesn’t matter.
Then, try to right-size those changes. Shrink them down to something realistic and manageable. Something you can do in 15 minutes. Less if necessary. Something you can do in 30 seconds.
It will probably feel anticlimactic, to have this vision in your mind and have to shrink it down to something so mundane and realistic. But slow is…well. Slow is slow.
It’s the antithesis of instant gratification. It’s intentional and sustainable and, if you let it take time, it will bring you pockets of peace that you didn’t know existed.
(It will also be challenging in ways you didn’t ever consider. But that’s okay too.)
It's why I always advocate for a slow approach to slowing down. Make a little bit of room, enjoy it for a while. If you want to make a change (reducing plastic, for example) then you have space to consider how to do that. Then, apply that small change (visit the bulk food shop once a month or split 10kg bags of rice and flour with a mate) and let it settle in to become your new normal.
Then, make a little more space, enjoy it for a while. If you want to make another change (it might be going deeper into the same change, or it could be completely different) then you have the space to consider how to do that. Put it in place and let it become your new normal.
And on it goes. Slowly.
Once we’ve created some space in our lives, by saying no to something or opting out of something or stripping something back, we give ourselves the opportunity to:
Make different choices (even if they’re a little more inconvenient – as many slower choices seem to be)
Show up in our lives in a different way; often times more present, or more intentional, or giving of ourselves in ways we’ve not been able to do in the past
Take action to live more in alignment with our values*
Live according to our priorities
Question the status quo and our role in keeping them in place
Look at the systems we’re part of and the ways we might be able to step back or change them.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think the two sides of slow living are linear. That is, we do Inner Slow and then move on to Outer Slow, never to be repeated again. It’s very much a dance between the two, a gentle seesawing between making space and making change. Sometimes they’re the same thing.
That’s really what slow living is about. Giving ourselves the space to make different choices, to be intentional, to pay close attention to what we do with our time and the impact that has. The outward expression changes all the time, and that’s okay.
* An upcoming values workshop
If all this talk of values has you confused or wondering how exactly to figure out what your values are, you might be interested in an upcoming workshop I’m hosting here on The Tortoise.
All paying subscribers will have access to the three-part workshop, which starts Sunday March 12.
The workshop will be online and pre-recorded, so you can take it at a time that works for you. (I’d love to run workshops like this live in the future, but at the moment my health is still a little unstable day-to-day, so I have to pre-record. Bonus being that we don’t have to play Time Zone Twister).
If you’re:
confused about what we mean when we talk about personal values
unsure how to figure out what yours are, or how they might have changed
wanting to know how to use your values to make more intentional choices
looking for clarity on how to move forward through change, personal evolution or a new season in life
come and join me as I dig into personal values. The what, the why and the how.
Over two practical sessions and one Q&A session I will take you through the process of identifying and clarifying your personal values, and using them to build a foundation on which you can create a different way of living.
Part 1: Sunday, 12th March – What are values, why we need them and how to identify yours
Part 2: Sunday, 19th March – How to use your values to make decisions and create a life well-lived
Part 3: Sunday, 26th March – Q&A
Usually, these workshops would cost $100+ online and more than that in-person, but you can gain access to it by becoming a paying subscriber to The Tortoise for just $5/month. No matter how you shake it, I reckon that’s a bargain.
Currently…
Feeling empowered. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about pacing and managing post exertional malaise and feel like I’m starting to get an understanding of what works for me right now. In short: gentleness, rest, paying close attention and not pushing it.
Trying to remind myself of the above, especially on days I need it. Like today.
Planning to try all of your green tomato recipes over the next couple of weeks – thank you for all the delicious suggestions last week.
Looking out the window at the bright pink sedum blooming under the plum tree. Not a single plum or apple this year – the birds ate a lot and the storms finished the rest off. I’m trying not to feel bummed about it (seasons for everything, part of an ecosystem, yadayada) but truth be told I am a bit bummed. At least the sedum is super pretty though.
Making a donation to ReForest Now this week. (For every 10 paying subscribers, I donate $5 to plant a tree.) I discovered this org when I chose to offset the emissions from printing and distributing Care back in 2021 and have loved following along as they work to plant hundreds of thousands of rainforest plants on the east coast of Australia.
And that’s it for another week. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Take care,
Brooke xx
Hi Brooke, someone here who has listened to, read, shared, been inspired by, thought about, enjoyed your work since the early days of the pogpast (correct spelling?) - we lost our 8 year old, Penny, to cancer 4 years ago and we only knew what we were up against for 4 months. The last year has been the worst of my life and I haven’t lived, let alone lived intentionally.....having found the best therapist ever I am beginning to find my feet and I wanted to know that as I sit watching the cricket with my cup of tea (6am UK time) I am once again finding you a motivation, a comfort, an inspiration...I just wanted to know how far your words reach and what they do for people ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Love Richard
Goodness, Brooke you have given me some pondering to do 😀😀. I’m beginning to think that, for me, the Inner Slow is what it’s all about really. I often say to people that I try to live a ‘slow and simple’ life and I think what your message tells me is that my slow living is ‘inner’ and my simple living is the ‘outer’ aspect. My Simple Living guru has always been the amazing Rhonda Hetzel (who I discovered at about the same time as you!) and she advocates all those things you mentioned. I’ve tried living simply without the slow and it was exhausting 😀. The Inner Slow has helped me get into the right headspace to live simply in a truely intentional way.
And I agree, it’s all about values. Your values exercise which I did on the online retreat a few years ago was amazing and I know your workshops will be too! X