Going backwards to go forwards

and why we don't all have the same number of hours per week as Beyonce

I’ve been spending some time perusing my old blog archives recently in an effort to tidy up years of what’s been, quite frankly, website-related neglect. The time that’s passed since we returned from Canada in 2019 has been unusual in virtually all ways, and so much of my admin work, like keeping websites up to date, fell well and truly by the wayside.

So it was that I found myself neck deep in my archives from 2015 last week and stumbled on a series of blog posts I wrote called ‘The A-Z of Simple Living’. Reading back over it was equal parts fun, cringey and illuminating - to see how far my writing has come in the past decade, to see how much the world has changed, and to see how much it’s stayed the same.

It was also nice to see my own evolution, because I sometimes forget that I’ve changed. Or get stuck in the trap of not allowing myself to change; believing that having an opinion and sharing it means I should never alter it, that doing so shows flakiness or a lack of integrity; when really, we’re all transforming all the time.

Do you know what was even nicer, though? Realising that I don’t hold myself prisoner to those previously held opinions anymore. I can see that they were in place for a reason. Maybe they helped me to understand something about the world, maybe they gave me scaffolding to hold on to as I climbed towards a new understanding, maybe they gave me comfort or purpose during a season of life.

But I no longer feel constrained by them. I’ve given myself permission to change. Which sounds simple enough doesn’t it? I mean, we should be allowed – expected – to change. We should be applauded for it, or at the very least, not howled down for evolving (even by ourselves). But so often that’s not the case.

I read a quote from organisational psychologist Adam Grant recently that got me thinking. I’m not entirely sure I agree with all of it, or at least not from the perspective I’m coming from in this post, but I appreciate the freedom that comes from it:

“Changing your mind is not a sign of losing integrity. It’s often a mark of gaining wisdom. Realising you were wrong doesn’t mean you lack judgement. It means you lacked knowledge. Opinions are what you think today. Growth comes from staying open to revising your plans tomorrow.”

Adam Grant

I don’t necessarily think it’s about being, “right” vs “wrong,” although it can be. Instead, it’s more about ideas or opinions or approaches no longer being applicable. Acknowledging that some of the ideas I’ve applied to my life previously fit perfectly well for a season, and then shift into irrelevance once a new season arrives. Does that mean they were wrong? No. Just not right for right now.

Then, of course, there are times where previously held opinions were 100% based on ignorance. I remember a blog post I wrote years ago where I repeated the eye-rolling idea that we “all have 168 hours in the week… you, me, the prime minister, Beyonce…”

Ugh.

To be fair, I didn’t follow it up with the even worse idea that because we all have the same number of hours available to us, we should all be more prolific and creative and successful and all the rest of the hustle-culture bullshit designed to shame us into thinking we’re not doing enough that usually follows such a ridiculous line. But it was bad enough.

I clearly no longer hold that opinion. In fact, I’d say I never did. I most likely just read that pithy line on the internet and thought it was a clever shortcut to making some kind of point. Never stopping to dig a little deeper and ask if I really believed it. Which is part of figuring out our opinions too – trying on the opinions and attitudes of others to see what feels right and what feels like we’re wearing a too-tight, itchy jumper.

For what it’s worth, I believe the 168-hours line does nothing more than drive unhelpful comparisons when there are no comparisons to make. We may all have 168 hours a week, but the resources available to each of us in those 168 hours vary in as many ways as there are human beings on the planet, and to make us feel like we’re not doing enough is to keep us on the hamster wheel of fast living. Racing to keep up, maybe even get ahead, if only we try harder, work longer, burn that candle at both ends (and the middle while we’re at it.) No thanks.

While I’m airing slightly dirty laundry, let me tell you I also used to:

• own a Nespresso machine

• wake up at 4am to get my writing done

• think my kids would never watch YouTube like it was TV

• believe the less stuff I owned, the better my life would be

• buy whole-heartedly into the ‘personal carbon footprint’ myth and use it to beat myself up

All of which served a purpose for a while. But then I learnt more, I changed, grew, or evolved, and those ideas no longer fit quite as snugly (or was it smugly?) into my life. With the exception of the Nespresso machine, I can still see the value they offered.

For example, 4am wake-ups allowed me to write the first iteration of Destination Simple, the book that launched my writing career. And while that level of sleep deprivation is not advisable long-term, it was something I managed for a couple of years while my kids were really young, and I was at home with them all day. It gave me an opportunity to be creative and to step outside my role as a mum, and it helped me navigate a really difficult time.

Practising minimalism as a mode of self-improvement helped me unpack years of status-chasing and materialism. Did reducing the amount of stuff I owned make my life better in and of itself? Not directly. And it showed me that if we’re looking for that kind of ‘fix’ we won’t find it in any -ism. But it also showed me that stripping back layers is part of the process of growth and self-discovery, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Similarly, buying into the ‘personal carbon footprint’ as a way of defeating climate change also had its part to play for a while. While I now agree with Rebecca Solnit that fossil fuel companies use this measure (one they created, in fact) to keep us disheartened and distracted from their role in the climate crisis, there was a time where focusing on my own footprint-reducing efforts brought about the kind of positive changes I needed to make. Doing so taught me to look more critically at the systems I supported, the lessons I was inadvertently teaching our kids, and the impact our choices were having on both a macro and micro level. I just no longer think I need to focus my efforts solely there, using the footprint as a stick to beat myself up, while governments and fossil fuel companies are getting away with insane amounts of doing very little.

All of which brings me back to the A-Z of Simple Living.

Some of the posts still ring true, nearly eight years after writing them. For example:

A is for Acceptance

1. Accept that where you are is where you are: You might be a family with three young kids; a single parent with a teenager; straight out of uni and living in a sharehouse... Until you accept the place you're currently in, it will prove almost impossible to make meaningful change to your life as you’ll be too busy comparing your own reality to someone else’s exterior.

2. Accept who you are - your strengths and weaknesses: I don't mean stop learning or stop attaining new skills in hopes of improving parts of your life, but don't try to squish your square shape into that triangular hole any more. Some things will prove easier for you than for others, some things will be harder. Accept it.

3. Accept your limitations: both personal and circumstantial. Somethings are just not possible given your current situation. Take pride in the fact that you are working with what you've got and doing what you can.

4. Accept that you will be making changes to your life gradually: deliberately, mindfully, intentionally. Slow, steady changes are more likely to stick when applied intentionally - even if that means it takes longer.

5. Accept that there will always be more you can do: so stop trying to reach the finish line in the shortest time possible. The “finish line,” as it were, keeps moving as you grow and anyway…none of this is a race.

Other posts in the series? No so much. (I’m looking at you “I is for Inbox Zero”. That is a HARD PASS.)

Most of the old posts I read, however, just felt… small. Like returning to my primary school as an adult. What once felt big and unwieldy and hard to navigate simply felt outgrown.

To allow ourselves to grow and change is such a gift. I wish I did it earlier. And while this is not the day to dig into this thought, I think self-compassion might be one of the biggest gifts I’ve received from spending much of the past couple of years being unwell. I’ve had to let so much unravel. And it’s in the putting back together that I can really question what old stories to bring with me, and which ones get left behind.

Tell me: What’s something you’ve changed your mind on?

Take good care this weekend,
Brooke xx

I’m currently…

Feeling excited because CARE is finally getting published in North America and the UK! January 5 in the UK and February 7 in North America. I shared a bit about the what, when and how over on Instagram, as well as why pre-orders are so so important.

Loving a fresh haircut. I’ve been trimming my own fringe for months (with varying levels of success) after my hairdresser moved away, but today finally found a new hairdresser and loved her and this is a boring story but that’s okay.

Reading The City of Mirrors - the final book of The Passage trilogy by Justin Cronin. It’s been a while since I’ve read anything apocalyptic/science fiction/horror-adjacent but I’ve been completely wrapped up in it.

Looking forward to seeing my family this weekend. And looking forward to some sunshine. And looking forward to planting some beetroot seeds. And looking forward to the end of the school term.

Making progress health-wise. I’m in a very experimental phase with treatments and medications and while it’s a definite roller-coaster, I’m feeling better than I have in a long long time.

And finally…

For today’s Friday confab (which is being shared here on a Saturday because yesterday afternoon was Christmas tree decorating time and nothing gets in the way of that), I’m sharing a photo that makes me happy. If you’re keen to join in, head over to Chat in the Substack app (it’s now available to Android users too!) and share a photo that makes you happy.