I’ve been worried that I wouldn’t have anything to write this week. Scared the well had run dry. (Already!)
But I think I’m actually just tired. And busy. There are deadlines and end of year drama rehearsals and weekend performances and extended family Christmas lunches and doctors appointments (always them) and that’s all okay.
I’m reminding myself it’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to have periods where the creative ink runs thin. (I know enough now to know it’s still there.) It’s also okay to meet these periods with heart-weariness, or fist-clenching frustration, or a sad kind of wistfulness. Whatever it is, it’s okay.
I know I’m doing my best, and I have no doubt you are too. The truth is that sometimes our best is excellent, and sometimes our best is…not that. Sometimes the planets align to allow us to give that excellent best, and sometimes they seem to be actively trying to make shit hard. This is all okay too.
As part of my efforts to reframe slow living and throw away even the imaginary rule books that seem to govern what we do and how we do it, I also need to keep reminding myself that so much of the pressure we feel is due to entirely made-up assumptions and expectations. And these assumptions and expectations are not necessarily in our best interests.
So instead of giving in to the voice that says, “You need to have a well-structured, fully fleshed-out think-piece ready to publish on The Tortoise THIS FRIDAY OR YOU’LL FAIL! AGAIN!” I’ve decided that I want to try something a little different.
A confab. A friendly sharing of experiences; some communal palaver; a small, human touch-point to end the week on. See if we can’t tap into the collective delight, wisdom, kindness and joyful noticing of this, our lovely corner of the internet.
Substack recently launched a new feature called Chat: kind of like our own private social-media-but-not-horrible space for Tortoise-only interactions. And while I’ve been hesitant to start using it (I have history of saying yes to good things before my own unrealistic expectations send me on a one-way trip to Burn-Out Town) I keep coming back to it as a powerful way to build what I think many of us are craving:
connection with like-minded people
somewhere to share snapshots of life away from the algorithm nightmare that is social media
community
So I’ve just opened my first Chat thread and if it goes well, I’d like to think we can make space there for a regular Friday Confab and who knows what else. The Tortoise is very much still evolving.
When I first came back to writing here a few weeks ago I said:
“I want to fill this blank page with good stuff. The kind of stuff that makes me glad to be alive. Slowness and sweetness and kindness and joy and awe and delight and wonder and listening to each other and caring about the world within and the world without.”
It was that one line, “stuff that makes me glad to be alive,” that felt most vulnerable. Partly because of what it said in absence - there have been many times I’ve not been - and partly because we are simply not very good at addressing the harder feelings in life. Toxic positivity and denial and all that.
It also felt like the most true thing I could have written.
Today, I want to share with you some things that have made me glad to be alive this week. And then, if you’re willing or able, I’d love you to share a glad-making moment from your week either over in Chat or down in the comments.
Things that made me glad to be alive this week:
It’s been super windy the past week (try as I might, I can’t help but really dislike the wind) and Thursday morning was the first time it was calm for ages. I sat in the garden and drank my coffee in the sun, soaking in the five minutes of sounds and smells. I looked around and saw that the majority of roses had been blown apart by the wind but this beauty was holding on. A little bruised, but aren’t we all?
Black cockatoos flew over my house yesterday. They always seem to show up when I need a reminder that I’m on the right path, and that things take time.
For the past three springs this Japanese maple has been completely smashed by aphids, which, once they’ve destroyed the new growth, inevitably move on to the roses and smash them too. But last year I saw a post on Insta from the amazing gardener/educator Casey Lister, about giving the garden time to find its own equilibrium. i.e. If you’re patient enough and willing to let certain plants get chewed on by annoying pests, the beneficial insects will eventually show up and take care of them. So last year I held off on spraying with neem oil and watched as my maple and roses were munched to within an inch of their little planty lives. And when I noticed the aphids were back on the maple a couple of weeks ago, I mixed up a small batch of neem oil and thought I’d just spray them, just a little bit. (Sorry, Casey.) But then, joy of joys! As I got closer to the maple I noticed something. There were hoverflies everywhere - all over the tree and hanging around the roses - and those beneficial little dudes eat aphids for breakfast. Literally. So the spray went unsprayed, my eternal gratitude went to Casey and my Japanese maple and roses are currently green, healthy, aphid-free zones. I know it shouldn’t surprise me anymore, but nature really is incredible. We just need to let her operate at her pace, not ours.
We had a family Super Smash Bros tournament on the weekend. I’m not much of a gamer, but man it was fun.
Being asked about my day when the kids get home.
Listening to our first Christmas songs this morning. (Christmas is now exactly a month away which, in our house means we can officially listen to Christmas music and watch terrible/great Christmas movies. I’m coming for you, A Christmas Prince!)
There’s more, of course, (there’s always more once I start looking) but honestly, my brain has given it up for the week so that’s it for now - some of the tiny/big things that made me glad to be alive this week.
Now I’d love to hear from you. If you’re more a ‘leave it in the comments’ person, drop me a line below and tell me something glad-making from your week. Or, if you’re curious about the whole Chat thing…
Come and join the Friday Confab:
To join in, you’ll first need to download the Substack app, where you can not only chat but also read and comment on all the Substacks you’re subscribed to.
Which brings me to a few slow-living-related things you might like/need to know:
The Chat feature is currently only available for iOS, but an Android update is due out soon.
A web-based Chat feature is in the works, which I’m personally excited about for the sole reason of giving us a choice about whether to use our phones or not.
Chat messages are only sent via the app and you can turn push notifications on/off as you like. I have them off (because: peace) and will check in periodically.
Once you’ve got the app, open it and tap the Chat icon. It looks like two bubbles in the bottom bar, and you’ll see a row for my chat inside.
If you want to join in, that’s all you need to do. Swing on by, say hello and share something that’s made you glad this week!
Beyond that, my friends, I hope you have a nice weekend. Or if the whole thing can’t be nice, that nice things happen to you. Maybe you’re struck by a sweet memory of someone you love. Or you eat something delicious. Or you enjoy a big belly laugh. Or a stranger waves hello. Or the sun warms your back as you walk to the shops. Or you hear a song that you can’t help but sing to in the supermarket. (Or dance to in the kitchen.)
Thanks for reading here, keep your eyes peeled for things that make you glad, and take care.
Brooke xx
Hi Brooke! Recently I bought your book "Care".✨ It's in Polish as I'm currently learning this language. Not understanding much so far, but the book gives me motivation for learning. Thank you!
There are so many things that make me glad to be alive like stepping into warm apartment after walking, drinking hot tea and enjoying the silence, looking at the candle light, the mountains's view on my way to the store, seeing snowflakes on my backyard and suddenly understand how well their color suits to the brown leaves and green Thuja and so more. Sometimes I forget to look around and appreciate what I have. But when I do see and feel the beauty of being alive I even start to cry. Also I love reading your posts and relistening to your podcast while sewing.
Hi Brooke, I've been enoying the most magical sunsets from our deck this week and for that I am truly grateful😊 it's so breathtaking and easily my favourite time of day! It's been a tough week for us with our eldest boy and his chronic health condition, medical appointments etc here too but gosh these sunsets allow me to just sit, watch and be🙏🏻